


The Trials of Being Human

by Adzeisval



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FebuWhump2021, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 37,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29138772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adzeisval/pseuds/Adzeisval
Summary: Aziraphale and Crowley's friendship is caught much sooner than in the original story and they are punished for it; by being turned into humans. There is a way their power's can be restored and they can be left alone, but will they be able to do it? And will Heaven and Hell keep up their end of the bargain?Each chapter is a Febuwhump 2021 prompt.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 44





	1. Mind Control and Truth Serum

Aziraphale huffed as he made his way up to Heaven. He was supposed to be going to an estate sale of a noted book collector and didn’t want to miss it. And he had just had a review so he didn’t know what this could be about. If he was lucky it would be quick enough that he could still make it to the sale. 

As he approached Gabriel he tried to keep his hands under control forcing them behind his back so he didn’t worry at them. 

“Ah Aziraphale good, now we can get down to business, follow me,” Gabriel said, leading him into a conference room and into a chair. 

Gabriel, Michael, and Sandalphon were all sitting on the right side of the table and there was an empty spot across from them. Some sort of presentation then? Some new intel or a new procedure to explain? Probably a new form to fill out. But...there was a strange feeling in the room, a tension that wasn’t usually there. Oh Aziraphale was always nervous when reporting in especially when he wasn’t expecting it but this was something different. 

“Bring him in!” Gabriel called out. 

Aziraphale watched with trepidation as the door opened and an angel stepped in dragging in...a demon, Aziraphale could feel the demonic signature from where he sat. A moment later he recognized it. 

Crowley. 

A chair appeared and the angel pushed a blindfolded and gagged Crowley into it and tied his arms behind his back with blessed rope. A hiss escaped from behind the gag and Aziraphale wanted to leap up and rescue Crowley. 

“We know, Aziraphale,” Gabriel said. 

“I...I’m sorry?” 

Gabriel sighed, “We know that you have been fraternizing with this...thing. And Aziraphale I know you have it in your head to see the best in humans and want to save them and that is perfectly noble but this...you have to remember that though that thing looks human that is a demon.” 

“I thought...well I thought I might…” 

“What? Turn him good? He is Fallen, Aziraphale. There is nothing you can do,” Michael said. 

“We’ll have to see how much it’s been trying to tempt you while we’re here, before we destroy it,” Gabriel said. 

Aziraphale was glad he was sitting down. He felt suddenly weak at the thought of Crowley dying of maybe even seeing it. He swallowed hard. Gabriel got up and pulled the gag out of Crowley’s mouth, took off the blindfold and snapped so Crowley could hear again. 

Crowley snarled at Gabriel and then let at a hiss at Michael and Sandalphon. His gaze fell on Aziraphale and Crowley froze. Aziraphale twitched in his seat fighting the urge to go to Crowley. He should go to Crowley, every fiber of his being wanted to grab Crowley and run but...they’d be struck down in an instant wouldn’t they? Aziraphale needed time to think the problem through but he didn’t think there was going to be enough of it. 

“Let’s get this started then,” Gabriel said. Sandalphon slid a glass bottle across the table to Gabriel. Crowley stiffened and looked at the bottle and at Aziraphale.

“What is it?” Aziraphale asked before he could stop himself, “I...I mean for curiosity's sake?”

“This, oh this is a neat little trick. I think you’ll like it. Demons lie. They are foul creatures and I intend to get information. This will make him tell the truth.” 

Gabriel grabbed Crowley’s jaw forcing the demon’s mouth open. Crowley thrashed and managed to knock the bottle from Gabriel’s hand before over correcting and tipping the chair over. Crowley cried out in pain as he hit the floor and Aziraphale winced. 

Gabriel pulled Crowley back up, “Knock it off, I have enough of this to drown the world in we’ll get it in you eventually.” 

“Fuck off,” Crowley spat. 

Gabriel sighed, “Fine, fine we’ll do this the hard way.” Gabriel snapped and Crowley’s face fell going blank, “That’s better, much better, I’ll control his mind just long enough to make him drink and then we can get started.” 

Aziraphale could hardly watch. He’d never seen Crowley under mind control before. They had never...even before the Arrangement they had never forced their Will on each other. Crowley opened his mouth and drank the truth serum without hesitation. Gabriel snapped again and Crowley came back.

“Fuck…” he looked around, confused. Aziraphale wondered why they had brought Crowley out of the control and was not liking the conclusion his mind was supplying. They wanted Crowley aware because they were going to hurt him. How was Aziraphale going to save them both? 

“Right, let’s get to this,” Gabriel said, “What is your name demon?”

“Crowley, you git, what I’m going to lie about that?”

“Since you won’t be walking out of this alive your supervisors want to know, did you really start world war two?”

“No. I didn’t,” Crowley said, squirming slightly in the chair. It was working then, Crowley had been lying about starting the war for a long time now and...oh God, Gabriel had admitted Crowley wasn’t going to get out of there alive and what was Aziraphale going to do? 

“What is the nature of your relationship with Aziraphale?”

Crowley bit his lip. He twisted in the chair, hands balled into tight fists, his eyes shut tight a thin hiss escaping his lips. 

“Pain’s only going to get worse the longer you resist, demon,” Gabriel said. 

“He’s my friend! Aziraphale is my friend,” Crowley said looking over to Aziraphale. Crowley looked like he was about to cry. He was shaking, “I’m sorry.” 

“Crowley…” 

“Silence Aziraphale!” 

“How long have you been tempting Aziraphale?” Gabriel asked. 

“Not tempting.” 

“Fine, how long have you been trying to get him to Fall?” 

“I don’t want him to Fall.” 

Gabriel sighed and flashed a tight smile, “Demons. I bet you’ve told Aziraphale a lot of lies. Ever tell him about your Fall, how did you Fall Crowley?” 

“Try not to lie to Aziraphale, never talked about my fall. I...asked questions, thought Lucifer was cool,” Crowley said, “Like to cause trouble.” 

It was nothing Aziraphale didn’t know or hadn’t guessed from what Crowley had told him over the years.

Gabriel was getting annoyed, clearly he thought it was going to be easy to get Crowley to admit something that was going to make Aziraphale not care if they killed him. Something to make Aziraphale beg for forgiveness from Gabriel. Instead the whole thing was making Aziraphale want nothing more than to save Crowley. 

“Help me understand then Crowley, why would a demon be friends with an angel if not to tempt him? What is really going on?” 

Crowley shut his mouth tight. For a few moments it looked like he was handling it well that maybe there wasn’t as much pain involved as Gabriel indicated. Then Crowley let out a cry and started to squirm in the chair. 

“It’s a simple question, demon, what is really going on?” Gabriel asked. Crowley was breathing in short little gasps grunting in pain. Aziraphale feared he might discorporate and he feared more that that was exactly what Crowley was planning. 

“You won’t discorporate here demon,” Michael said. 

Tears slipped down Crowley’s face and he let out a loud cry. Aziraphale was shaking, he couldn’t stand seeing Crowley in so much pain. 

“Speak Crowley, please,” Aziraphale said, choking back a sob. 

“I love him!” Crowley yelled, “I love Aziraphale. Want to be around him because he is my best friend and I love him.” Crowley panted looking at the floor and for a few seconds that was the only sound in the room. 

Then there was laughter. Gabriel and Sandalphon broke out into laughter and Crowley seemed to shrink further in the chair and Aziraphale could see tears falling down Crowley’s face. 

“A demon love an angel! That is utterly ridiculous you can’t love anything you foul creature,” Sandalphon laughed. 

“Deluded bastard, well, this didn’t quite work out as planned,” Gabriel said, “Go get the Holy Water Sandalphon so we can finish this.” 

“Don’t...don’t make him watch, please don’t make Aziraphale watch,” Crowley sobbed. 

Gabriel let out a chuckle, “You think you matter at all to him? That he could, what, love you back? Pathetic creature.” 

Crowley sobbed, completely broken, “I’m sorry Angel.” 

That was it, that was enough. Aziraphale jumped up from his chair and had Crowley untied and in his arms before Gabriel or Michael could even react. Aziraphale sent a wave of energy toward the unsuspecting archangels pushing them against the wall and teleporting himself and Crowley back to earth. 

They landed in a heap in the bookshop. Aziraphale had to leave Crowley on the floor to quickly put up as many anti angel and anti demon wards on the bookshop as he could. They would be coming for them, maybe not right away, but soon. Once he was fairly certain they were safe he came back to Crowley. 

“Let me help you to the couch my dear,” Aziraphale urged Crowley to stand and helped him to the couch. Crowley sat still not looking at Aziraphale staring out in front of him with a blank expression on his face. 

Aziraphale wanted to know if the truth serum was still working but was trying to figure out a way to phrase it so that Crowley wasn’t painfully compelled to answer. He didn’t want to make Crowley answer anything. 

“I wonder how long truth serum lasts?” Aziraphale asked, hoping that Crowley didn’t have to answer since he didn’t know. 

“Still working,” he said. 

“Then I won’t ask you anything, I don’t want to hurt you love.” 

Crowley looked at him then, his eyes were fully snaked out and red rimmed from crying, “Did...did you just call me...love?” 

“Yes. Crowley you are my best friend in the entire world and I love you,” Aziraphale said. Crowley had to know, Crowley deserved to know that Aziraphale felt the same way. They were both going to be in a lot of trouble and if Aziraphale had stayed frozen much longer then Crowley might have been destroyed. 

Crowley whimpered and put his hand over his heart. 

“Crowley…” Aziraphale stopped. He wouldn’t ask a question but he wished he knew what he could do for Crowley. 

“Angel…” Crowley reached for him and Aziraphale sat beside him on the couch and Crowley collapsed against him and started to sob. 

“Oh dear…” Aziraphale wrapped his arm around Crowley’s heaving shoulder as he continued to cry. 

“I’m here Crowley, we’re safe, I’m so sorry love,” Aziraphale held Crowley close and after some time he started to calm. 

“Think it’s gone,” Crowley said, “Ask me something?”

“Did you start world war two?”

“Yes,” Crowley lied then sighed in relief. 

“Glad you’re back to normal dear, what can I get you?”

“I don’t know…” Crowley mumbled. 

“Let me know when you do. I’m so glad you’re safe. I’m sorry it took so long for me to rescue you...I was...I’m so sorry,” Aziraphale felt his chest tightening, he should have grabbed Crowley the second they brought him in and run. He’d let them torture Crowley. 

Crowley sniffled, “sss alright angel.”

“I froze, I...couldn’t think. I couldn’t let them destroy you.” 

“You rescued me. We’re alright.” 

They sat in silence for quite some time, Crowley still leaning heavily against Aziraphale. There was so much that had happened and much that likely would have to talk about. Heaven was going to come after them; if hell got its hands on Crowley it wouldn’t be good. They were as safe as they could be in the Bookshop, but they were still in danger. 

“I didn’t imagine it going that way,” Crowley said, “Saying I love you, I mean. Always wanted it to be more...grand. Romantic.” 

“I’m sorry they took that from you.” 

Crowley sighed, “What are we going to do angel?”

“I don’t know. But we’ll do it together,” Aziraphale said. He wasn’t sure at all what they could do, how they could fight against both Heaven and Hell, but he would fight. Crowley would fight for him as well. They would fight together and hopefully stay together.


	2. I can't take this anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven and Hell come for Crowley and Aziraphale

Crowley knew that Heaven or Hell would come for them soon; too soon, and probably both groups at the same time. It had been two days since Heaven had grabbed him and tortured him in front of Aziraphale. He’d had nightmares like that before and he would take a thousand tortures to protect Aziraphale but he never guessed what they would make him say. 

How many dreams had he had of confessing his love to the angel, with flowers and dinner and romance and...that was gone. The soothing balm to that thought was that Aziraphale had confessed his love in return and at least for the moment they were both alive and together. 

They tried to come up with a plan of action but in the end Heaven and Hell came before he and Aziraphale were ready. It happened in a flash and before Crowley could even stand all the way the world went dark around him.

Crowley woke feeling groggy and unsure of where he was. He was sitting up and a quick wiggle revealed his arms and legs to be bound. He reached for his power…

“Ahh, oh ahh fuck!” It felt like electricity was running through both his corporation and his true form. 

“Not a smart idea.” 

Crowley groaned at the sound of Gabriel’s voice. Another nearby snort of a chuckle made his eyes fly open. Oh. Oh no. Gabriel and Beelzebub. They were in a small room, and didn't feel like Heaven or Hell. No windows. Grey walls. And tied to a chair on the other side of the room was Aziraphale. There was a smear of blood on the right side of his head.

Crowley twisted against the ropes and growled. 

“Itzzz true then,” Beelezebub said, frowning, “You...ugh you love that thing.” 

“This is just...this is unbelievable and disgusting,” Gabriel said. 

Across the room Aziraphale was starting to stir and opened his eyes with a groan and looked around taking things in. His eyes met Crowley’s and they each gave the other a weak smile. 

“Both awake? Good, good we can get this done and over with.” 

Crowley stiffened glancing around the room for any sign of Holy Water or Hellfire but he could see neither. Maybe their minds were going to be modified or there were simply going to be discorporated and have their essences trapped forever far apart. 

“Now, this situation is...unfortunate to say the least. We can’t have an angel and a demon doing...this. You two have been down there too long. Too human.” 

“So if you want to be human together...zzzo be it,” Beelzebub said. 

“This is how it’s going to work; you two are going to be human. You’ll have no powers, you’ll get sick, you’ll age,” Gabriel said. 

“And you’ll die,” Beelzebub added. 

“If, and only if, when both of you die you both still love each other, your powers will be restored and we will leave you alone,” Gabriel said with a smile that indicated he didn’t think that would happen.

“And don’t get any bright ideazz about killing yourself, you do that you both are destroyed,” Beelzebub added. 

“I believe that’s about it,” With that Gabriel snapped and the world went black. 

Crowley sat up with a start. He felt...he felt wrong. Different. Like the world had dimmed a bit or like he had been drinking too much. Aziraphale moaned from where he was stirring in his chair and Crowley felt relieved to see him alright. 

“I feel...strange,” Aziraphale said. 

“Me too.” 

“Oh! Your eyes!” 

Crowley jumped up to find the closest mirror and stared into it. He looked mostly the same aside from the fact that his eyes looked human now. Very pale brown in color and shaped completely human. He was human. They were human. 

Aziraphale still hadn’t stood from his chair and Crowley approached him. 

“Are you alright angel?”

“Not anymore,” Aziraphale muttered. 

“Oh yeah uh sorry I won’t…”

“You can still, if it slips out,” Aziraphale said, “I feel so strange. Compact. Weak.” 

“Me too.” 

“Oh Crowley what are we going to do?”

Crowley plopped back on the couch and sighed, “Live as humans. Only thing we can do right? We’ve been here watching them, interacting with them the whole time. We can do this.” 

“I...I suppose. And we are alive. They didn’t destroy us. Or separate us. Alive and together,” Aziraphale said. 

“Alive and together,” Crowley repeated. 

Aziraphale was the one who found the paperwork on the desk, documents about who they were to the humans, ID’s, bank accounts and other things. The upstairs of the bookshop had been modified as a more habitable home. Crowley’s flat had been destroyed. They had some money. Their bodies were healthy. It could have been far worse. 

Crowley looked at his ID, running his finger over the date. He was a forty five year old human.

“How...how long do humans live nowadays? I quite forget,” Aziraphale asked. 

“Late seventies I think is average,” Crowley said, “This part of the world at least.” 

They chatted in a daze for most of the morning until they both realized that they were hungry Crowley was going to have to learn to eat regularly and that night he was going to have to convince Aziraphale to sleep. 

There was food in the kitchen so at least they didn’t have to go out to shop right away. Scrambled eggs and toast and tea were all easy enough to make without using miracles. 

The first day was spent figuring out and making lists of things they had to remember. The Bentley was outside and Crowley was going to have to make sure to buy petrol and keep her in running condition. He was going to have to buy his own clothes instead of making them. They were going to have to pay for things like humans. 

They didn’t leave the bookshop that day taking stock of their new situation at their home and working things out there first. By night time Crowley was exhausted. Aziraphale seemed nervous. 

“You can do this, your body needs rest, and you’ll get used to it. Might even like it,” Crowley said. 

“I’m sure I will, It’s just odd.” 

“Can I help in any way? We only have the one bed but I can sleep on the couch if I’m the problem,” Crowley said. 

“No. I’d rather you be here,” Aziraphale said with a blush.

Crowley stayed awake until Aziraphale had fallen asleep and they both slept well that first night. 

Slowly they made their way out of the bookshop and into the world. The grocery, restaurants, and the park. The internet was helpful when it came to cooking and figuring out how to make more complex foods at home. Crowley was surprised at how much a human body had to relieve itself of waste and how he was starting to have opinions on toilet paper brands. 

He’d taken a few short drives in the Bentley. It was different and he went far slower than he ever had. He had yet to get Aziraphale to come with him for a drive but they would get to that. 

Crowley thought they were doing rather well.

Until two weeks in when he woke up in the middle of the night to Aziraphale sobbing in bed. 

“Aziraphale?”

“I...Crowley I can’t take this anymore!” 

“Oh angel,” Crowley scooted over and Aziraphale fell into his arms. Crowley rubbed Aziraphale’s back and whispered to him and held him. 

“What can I do, my love?” Crowley asked as Aziraphale started to calm down. 

“I don’t know! I’m so out of sorts. I feel tired all the time, I can’t do as much reading, and I hate going to the bathroom!” 

“I know, I don’t like it either.” 

“My stomach doesn’t seem to like some foods anymore, and sleeping is weird, and I just feel so wrong! I know I can see and hear the world around me but I feel like I can’t do it in the same way. And then I feel so ungrateful. I could have...you could have…” Aziraphale sobed again and Crowley pulled him in tight. 

“I love you Aziraphale, I’m so sorry you’re hurting,” Crowley said. 

“How...how are you doing this?” Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley shrugged, “I don’t know. Just trying to concentrate on what’s good. Being alive. Get frustrated a lot, try to sleep it off.” 

Aziraphale sighed, “Sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize. This isn’t easy, but we can do this yeah? Together.”

“Mmmhmm,” Aziraphale mumbled. Crowley pulled back a little and saw that Aziraphale was falling back asleep. He lowered them both down and kept his arms around Aziraphale as they both fell back to sleep. 

He was going to have to make an effort to check in more with Aziraphale and how he was doing with the whole thing. 

They would make it work.


	3. Imprisonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley have some human based anxiety issues

Aziraphale didn’t want to leave the shop. They had been human for a year now and had fallen into a little bit of a rhythm that was working for them. Aziraphale still did a lot of reading, and Crowley had made a few window box planters upstairs and had a variety of plants growing. 

They ate out a few times a week and were getting better at cooking. They went to concerts and shows much as they always had. 

St James’ park was where they went the most. 

But Aziraphale didn’t even want to go there now. 

It was cold, and being human made that worse. It was dark and being human made that worse. And there was...there was so much that could go wrong. Something had gone wrong!

He and Crowley had been walking back to the shop from the park when they dashed across the street. It was icy. They both slipped. A car nearly hit them. It would have hit Crowley first. It would have...the wheel...his chest…

Aziraphale didn’t know if he could handle being alone for a long time without Crowley. Not so soon. Oh there was the balm of knowing they would be together eventually and he knew that it was such a human thing but he couldn’t...he didn’t want to. 

“Staying in again?” Crowley asked. 

“I...I yes I think so,” Aziraphale said. Crowley mumbled something and flopped down on the couch. He didn’t seem terribly eager to go out either. 

They would have to of course. Eventually they would need food and other supplies. 

But then Crowley had introduced him to ordering food and things online and oh didn’t that make it so much easier to avoid the world. Aziraphale delved further into his books; he had so much to read and Crowley spent most of his time on his phone. Or sleeping. 

Crowley slept a lot now.

Aziraphale was content to stay in. It was nice and safe in the shop and he thought they were doing pretty well all things considered. At least...well at least through the winter that would make sense wouldn’t it? It was uncomfortable and cold out there and slippy and it was just so much better to stay in the comfort of the shop. 

It was safe, it was good. 

Time passed, reading, deliveries were made, they cooked, they talked and they stayed in the nice safety of the shop. 

But then spring came and it became obvious that there was an issue. It was warmer out and it was sunny and it would have been a very good day to go to the park. And yet Aziraphale didn’t want to leave the shop. 

“Nice day out,” Crowley said while washing the dishes at the sink. 

“Looks like it,” Aziraphale said. 

“Should we head to the park? Pick something up for dinner on the way home?” Crowley asked. 

“I…well I suppose. Oh I don’t know if I’m up to it to be honest.” 

Crowley sighed heavily, “Think about it?” 

“Of course,” Aziraphale said. He should go outside and it was a nice day. And it seemed like Crowley wanted to go out. On the other hand outside was dangerous and he was safe and he did really want to finish the book he was ready. 

After breakfast was done he ended up in his chair and reading. He had meant to only ready a few chapters but before he knew it it was evening. He stretched and tried to find what Crowley was doing. 

He found Crowley sleeping. 

The next day was just as bright and sunny and Aziraphale thought for just a moment about going out but ended up in his nice safe comfortable chair reading. Crowley didn’t say anything. 

Aziraphale knew he should be considering going out and that Crowley wanted to and he promised Crowley they would go out to the park the next day. 

Aziraphale woke up late that morning having stayed up far too late reading. Crowley was already out of bed probably either making tea or breakfast or ordering things. Aziraphale stretched and made his way downstairs. 

The first thing he noticed was that it was raining, the second was a strange soft sound coming from by the front door. Aziraphale frowned and made his way to the door. He found Crowley crumpled up next to the door, legs pulled up against his chest, head buried down and sobbing quietly. 

“Oh, oh Crowley what’s wrong?” 

“I...I wanna go out,” Crowley shook his head. 

“I...you can go out Crowley.” 

“Don’t wanna leave you and you won’t and now it’s raining and you’ll...you like to read when it rains and I...I…” 

“Humans don’t melt in the rain, we can go out,” Aziraphale said. 

“Will you? Will you go out? It’s been...I can’t…” Crowley sobbed. Aziraphale got down on the floor with Crowley.

“Oh...oh sorry Crowley. I’m sorry. I wanted us safe,” Aziraphale said. 

“Feels...feels more like a prison,” Crowley buried deeper down into himself as he continued to sob. 

“I’m sorry Crowley. I’ve been hurting you haven’t I? I haven’t...haven’t thought of you enough. I just wanted us safe…” 

“I can’t. I can’t stay here like this, but but I don’t want to leave you here either. I’m scared,” Crowley said. 

“We can do this Crowley, we will do it together. Damn the rain,” Aziraphale said. Crowley gave a little choked chuckle and looked up at Aziraphale. 

“Can we go outside? Please Angel?” Crowley asked. 

“Of course,” Aziraphale helped Crowley up and pulled him into a hug. Aziraphale had been so lost in his own desire to be safe he hadn’t realized what it had been doing to Crowley who was keeping it all inside to prioritize Aziraphale. 

The first step outside the door was a little odd but hand in hand the former demon and angel left the shop and headed down the street. They made it to the park and stayed there for a few minutes before heading back home. 

“We have to get out more often angel, no matter what,” Crowley said, “I...my brain didn’t like that. Made me want to sleep and not wake up.” 

Aziraphale’s heart clenched in his chest, “You...please tell me things like that dear. I need to know or else I’ll end up hurting you again. I don’t want to hurt you Crowley.” 

“Don’t want to force you either,” Crowley said. 

“I know, you are so sweet to me but I can’t stand the thought of you hurting to please me,” Aziraphale said. 

“I’ll try,” Crowley said. 

“Good. I’ll try too, we’ll get this worked out my love,” Aziraphale said. 

“I know we will. We’re in...we’re in this together,” Crowley said. Aziraphale pulled him into a tight hug and vowed to do better by Crowley and himself.


	4. Impaled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley has a little accident, but Aziraphale is there for him

Crowley thought that he was getting the hang of cooking. He had to eat much more in an actual human form than he had ever as a demon and it was nice to be able to stay and eat at home sometimes. 

Then the bad winter hit and Crowley had slept and Aziraphale had read and it had been bad. It was June now and it was starting to get behind them. They were once again going out into the world and doing things. 

Crowley was busy making sandwiches to take to the park while Aziraphale gathered a blanket and the basket. Crowley cut the sandwiches and plopped a toothpick in each wrapping them lightly and waiting for Aziraphale to bring him the basket. 

“I found it!” Aziraphale called out. 

“Good!” Crowley called back. He brought his hand down to push off from the counter not really paying attention. Which was how he missed the toothpick that was sticking up between the cutting board and a tin. 

“Ahh! Fuck!” Crowley cried out, jumping in place and grabbing for his hand. The toothpick was at least halfway buried into the flesh of his palm. 

“Dear? Are you alright?”

“No I’m not alright, I’ve been impaled!” Crowley held out his hand to show Aziraphale the injury. 

“Oh dear, we should get that out,” Aziraphale said reaching for his hand. Crowley snatched it back. 

“Shouldn’t we, should we go to Hospital?” Crowley asked. 

“I...think we can handle this here. I think,” Aziraphale said, not really sounding sure at all. Crowley could feel spikes of pain from the wound and it also itched and he was desperate to pull it out. 

“I…” 

“Come sit down dear you’re looking a bit pale,” Aziraphale said urging him toward the kitchen chair. Crowley sat down unable to keep his eye off the toothpick. 

“I’m going to go get the first aid kit, I really do think we can bandage it up here, but it’s up to you,” he said. 

“Okay, right, take it out,” Crowley said

When Aziraphale returned Crowley offered up his hand. Aziraphale grasped Crowley’s hand in one of his and the other reached for the toothpick. Crowley winced and closed his eyes. 

Aziraphale pulled it out in one fell swoop a piece of cloth pressing to the wound. Crowley felt a little shaky and more than a little ridiculous. 

“There we are, not a lot of blood. I’ll get it cleaned up and bandaged my dear,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley opened his eyes and watched as Aziraphale cleaned the wound and dabbed so antibiotic ointment on it then spread a bandage over it. Crowley couldn’t help but smile. It was such a sweet loving gesture. 

“I love you Aziraphale,” Crowley said. Aziraphale blushed and smiled. 

“I love you too, my poor impaled Crowley,” Aziraphale teased. It was Crowley’s turn to blush then and he stood and gave Aziraphale a hug. Hugging Aziraphale was one of the best feelings in the world and luckily for Crowley hugging was not going too fast for Aziraphale. Snuggling in bed or on the couch wasn’t too fast either. Crowley would never push Aziraphale to go any further and he thought he could be happy with hugs and snuggling. He was happy with Aziraphale. 

“I’m still up for a picnic if you are,” Crowley said. 

“Yes I would love that,” Aziraphale said. They walked to the park hand in hand with Aziraphale taking the basket so Crowley didn’t have to put the weight on his wounded hand. It still stung a bit but Crowley’s attention was more on the hand grasping Aziraphale’s hand. 

The picnic was uneventful but lovely and they picked up dinner on the way home. 

“Is your hand feeling better?” Aziraphale asked as he slid into bed. 

“Much, thank you for the help,” Crowley said. 

“You’re very welcome my love, sleep well” Aziraphale said and Crowley felt himself blushing as Aziraphale snuggled closer. 

“Sleep well angel,” Crowley said. Aziraphale gave a little wiggle and a happy hum and Crowley didn’t think it could get any better than this.


	5. Don't try to pin this on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley have an argument and things get a little messy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Alternative six on the Febuwhump prompt list

Crowley deposited the last of that month's bills at the post office and made his way to get something to bring home for lunch. They were doing okay moneywise, six years into being human but he was a little worried. They weren't actually bringing in any money well except for a few books a year that Aziraphale was willing to part with. 

They would be alright for a while; but being a human was expensive and they really didn’t know how long they would live. Crowley was starting to get worried that they wouldn’t have enough; that they would be old and withered and unable to support themselves. 

He tried to get the thought out of his mind by the time he got back to the bookshop he didn’t want to bring his bad mood home to Aziraphale. 

Crowley opened the door to the shop only to almost crash into a customer coming out of the door.

“Waste of time mate, won’t sell a thing,” the man said as he left down the street. Crowley sighed. Aziraphale was putting the offending book back on a shelf in a huff. 

“Got some sandwiches for lunch angel,” Crowley announced. 

“Thank you dear,” Aziraphale said, still huffy, “I can’t believe how cheap so people are with books, I can’t stand to sell them below their value.” 

“You can’t stand to sell them at all,” Crowley said. 

“I’ll have you know I’ve sold two in the past year!” Aziraphale said. 

“Oh good job,” Crowley snarked. 

“What’s got you in a mood?” Aziraphale asked. 

“Listen angel, we're not doing bad financially, but I’m worried that we’re going to end up old and unable to survive on what we have. We need more money coming in, just in case.” 

“So you want me to let go of a first edition book for the price of a dime store novel!” 

“No, not necessarily but we need to do something,” Crowley said. 

“Well there is another component to the we my dear,” Aziraphale said, “You could always go get a job.” 

“I don’t exactly have any job history angel,” Crowley said. 

“Well if you’re content to be lazy about it then I don’t see why I should sell my books,” Aziraphale said. 

“Never said I wasn’t going to look!” Crowley snapped. 

“Don’t snap at me dear, you’re the one who got us into this mess.” 

“Wha...ngk...I...don’t try to pin this on me angel, we’re both responsible!” 

Aziraphale huffed, “Hardly. If you’d never decided to come and tempt me…” 

“Oh that is bullshit Aziraphale, you accepted our friendship the same as me.” 

“But you were the one who suggested the arrangement and look where that’s got us!” 

“Would you rather us be enemies? Thwarting and discorporating each other through the centuries, alone on earth, no friends?” Crowley threw his arms up in the air. Aziraphale was being ridiculous and Crowley was getting angry. They were both in this together weren’t they? They were friends, they loved each other. Didn’t they?

“It might have worked out better that way,” Aziraphale said. 

“Angel…” 

“Don’t call me that! I am not an angel anymore. I’ve lost everything and I won’t let you tempt me to let go of my books! Not so that you can laze around the bookshop and do nothing!” 

Crowley’s chest constricted painfully and tears stung his eyes. He thought...he’d tried...was that really what Aziraphale thought? That he was lazy and useless? That the bookshop was more important? The only thing he had left? That Crowley didn’t fit anywhere into the whole thing? That Crowley was a burden, an annoyance?

Crowley wrapped his arms around himself. He let out a choked sob as he started to shake. It took him a long time to be able to look up to Aziraphale. He froze. 

Aziraphale had moved away toward the back room. Crowley waited a moment to see if he was going to come back. He didn’t. 

Crowley didn’t know what to do. Should he go to Aziraphale or leave him alone? Aziraphale had left so that meant he wanted space, and didn't want to be around Crowley. 

“He doesn’t want to be around you at all,” Crowley thought. He should leave then, he didn’t want to skulk about the shop. He still had his keys in his hand and walked out the door in a daze. The Bentley pulled away and Crowley drove. He didn’t know where he was going. He ended up in a secluded parking garage where he hoped to not be noticed. 

Crowley leaned forward with his head on the wheel and sobbed. Useless and lazy. That’s what Aziraphale thought of him. Not worth it. He thought he’d been doing enough, he cooked, he cleaned, went to shop and paid bills. He thought that was something. Aziraphale had always seemed appreciative. 

But hadn’t he been quick to assume that Crowley didn’t want to work because he was lazy? Crowley was worried about trying to get a job after never really having one, he wasn’t even sure where to start, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. 

He loved Aziraphale so much. Wanted to make him happy and yet he’d come home and jumped on him about money of all things. Stupid. He was so stupid. 

Crowley made it back to the shop before nightfall. He hesitated just inside the door for a long time before trying to find Aziraphale. He was in the back of the shop reading. 

“I’m, I’m home,” he said. 

“Good,” Aziraphale said, “I’m staying down here tonight.” 

“Right, right sure,” Crowley said hesitating a few moments before leaving Aziraphale alone. 

Oh he had messed up and bad. He was going to have to do a lot to make it right again. He would get chocolates and flowers, but the best thing to do would be to get a job and prove that Aziraphale was wrong about him being lazy. 

It was strange being alone in bed. They had been sleeping together for six years now and while they didn’t do much in bed he had gotten used to having Aziraphale there. 

“I’m going out looking for a job,” Crowley announced in the morning. Aziraphale didn’t say anything. 

Crowley came home with flowers and chocolates for Aziraphale, “I’m sorry we fought.” 

“How did the search go?” 

Crowley’s stomach dropped, “No luck today, I’ll try again tomorrow.” 

“I’ll be down here again I think,” Aziraphale said. 

“Whatever you need An...Aziraphale.” 

Crowley was disappointed and cried himself to sleep. In the morning he noticed the flowers in the trash, the chocolates untouched on the counter. His stomach twisted into a knot of pain and anxiety. 

Crowley was having trouble finding a job, he had come up with an excuse of recently leaving a religious cult but still he was having trouble finding someone to give him a chance. He didn’t really blame them. Every night he came home and Azirapahle was ensconced in his corner and wouldn’t come up to the bedroom. 

Crowley wasn’t sure Aziraphale would come up to bed until Crowley had a job. They didn’t eat together, they barely talked. Crowley didn’t know what to do. 

“I’m sorry Aziraphale,” Crowley handed over a card, “I don’t want to fight.” 

“Neither do I, but I’ll be here tonight.” 

“Alright love,” Crowley said. 

In the morning he brought Aziraphale tea and noticed that the card was on the desk unopened. That was the first day Crowley went to the bar. He was tired and he needed a break. And a drink. 

Just a little break; he would get back to the job search and he would make Aziraphale proud and things would get back to normal. They had to go back to normal. Crowley would get a job and Aziraphale would be happy and everything could go back to normal.


	6. Insomnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his fight with Crowley, Aziraphale gets into some bad habits which only make things worse

Aziraphale was having trouble sleeping.

He had never really liked sleep. Not as an angel and now not so much as a human. It was better when he was sleeping with Crowley. But they had fought and now Aziraphale didn’t want to be in bed with him anymore. Not forever of course just for a little while. They needed space from time to time and Aziraphale didn’t want to go back to Crowley angry. He knew he’d hurt Crowley but it was going to do no good going back before Aziraphale was ready.

Part of the problem was that Crowley was still annoying him. He was insisting on looking for a job just to spite Aziraphale. To prove a point. They would be fine, Crowley didn’t need to go out and do that. 

It was even more infuriating that Crowley was bringing him little gifts and cards. Aziraphale had thrown the flowers away in an instant and refused to touch the chocolates and open the cards. 

There was part of his brain that realized that he was being stubborn, even cruel, but he didn’t feel like acknowledging it. He knew what he should be doing but he felt stuck, like he didn’t know how to start. 

Aziraphale didn’t much feel like talking to Crowley. How dare he suggest selling more books! And now Crowley was trying to get Aziraphale to come over to his thinking by going out and pretending to look for a job! Wily serpent. 

Aziraphale couldn’t sleep in bed with him and could barely talk to him. So he stayed in his back room and he read. 

“Damn it all,” Aziraphale said as he realized he read the same page three times. Sleep. His corporation, no he, actually needed sleep. He curled up on the couch and tried to get some sleep. 

He only got a few hours of sleep before he got up again. 

It seemed he had gotten in the habit of doing that every night. Leave Crowley alone, read until he was almost falling over, try to sleep, get up and try to function. He was having trouble remembering to eat as well. 

He was feeling miserable. 

He didn’t know what to do. 

Aziraphale knew he should probably talk to Crowley. The anger was fading away and he should just go talk to him about the whole situation. He loved Crowley, as annoying as he could be, but he was somewhat worried that he had messed the whole situation up too much and that he and Crowley’s relationship would never be the same again. 

And then Crowley had started coming home smelling of alcohol and it made Aziraphale angry once again. It was just so much easier to stay where he was and read and keep to himself. The first evening Crowley came home drunk was the first time he stayed up all night and most of the next day. 

Aziraphale couldn’t sleep right. 

He heard the door close and jumped awake. It was ten in the morning and he couldn’t remember when he had fallen asleep. 

Aziraphale kept the shop closed so he could nap. He didn’t know where Crowley was or what he was doing. He read, he fell asleep. Suddenly it was ten at night and he wasn’t sure how that had happened. 

Then it was two in the morning and he went to sleep. He couldn’t remember if he’d even heard Crowley come home. Surely he had?

It was morning again and Crowley was heading out the door without a word. Aziraphale was missing him but he couldn’t concentrate on anything. He needed something. He went for food first and then felt sleepy and laid out on the couch. 

Crowley was home again and Aziraphale could smell the booze on him. Aziraphale was annoyed and tried to read. It was eleven at night. He stared at the page. It was two in the morning. He read ten pages and it was two fifteen. Then he got stuck on a paragraph for an hour. He was going mad wasn’t he? Oh food, food was good. Sleep too. But he couldn’t sleep right. It just wasn’t working. Never liked it as an angel, and now he was rubbish at it as a human.

Humans could have problems if they didn’t get enough sleep. He was having problems. He needed to get into a better habit. He needed to talk to Crowley. Oh he was messing this whole thing up by being so stubborn wasn’t he? He was driving Crowley away, driving him to come home late and drunk and it wasn’t what he wanted. 

He loved Crowley. 

What was he doing? 

Aziraphale forced himself to go to sleep at eleven and set an alarm to get up at seven. He didn’t get up when he woke in the early morning. He needed a couple days of good sleep and then he would feel well enough to talk to Crowley. 

Two morning later he woke feeling much better than he had in weeks. He was a little fazed to find that more days that had passed then he thought. 

Aziraphale waited downstairs for Crowley to come down pacing back and forth and hoping that he wouldn’t make things worse. 

Crowley came downstairs and stopped. 

“Crowley I...I think we need to talk,” Aziraphale said. 

“I...probably. Later?”

“I’d rather do it now,” Aziraphale said. 

“Things to do,” Crowley said. 

“Right. Just, dinner together? We can talk then?” 

“Sure…” 

“Please don’t come home drunk,” Aziraphale said. Crowley’s face turned from a surprised look to an angry frown and Aziraphale realized he’d misstepped. 

“Oh right must always be perfect and useful mustn’t we?” Crowley snarled. 

“That isn’t what I meant Crowley I just want us to be…” 

“Perfect?” 

“That isn’t…” 

“I’ll be back later,” Crowley mumbled, pushing past Aziraphale and leaving. Aziraphale sighed. That didn’t go like he wanted it to. He didn’t...he just wanted Crowley to be able to hold a serious conversation. Was he not worth that?

Aziraphale sighed. 

He would just have to wait and see what happened when Crowley got home. He needed to make things right. He hoped it wasn’t too late.


	7. Poisoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley had been drinking too much. Crowley is forgetting that he can't miracle the alcohol away. Crowley is in trouble.

Crowley couldn’t believe Aziraphale. Needing him to be perfect. Calling him out for drinking when it was partially his fault. Well maybe it was mostly Crowley’s fault but he couldn’t deal with this right now. 

He was still looking for work in the mornings, and drinking in the evenings. It was stressful to go and put oneself out and get rejected over and over again and not be good enough for tasks as simple as flipping burgers and delivering food. 

Crowley felt so rejected and useless everywhere and now Aziraphale wanted to talk. The angel was going to give him an ultimatum, Crowley just knew it. If Crowley didn’t get a job by a certain time Aziraphale was going to throw him out.

Crowley couldn’t concentrate on looking for a job and he went to the bar earlier than he had ever before. 

The thing was...he didn’t want to leave Aziraphale or the bookshop. That was home. It might not be a happy home at the moment but it was a home. He didn’t know how he could make Aziraphale see that he was worth it; that even if he didn’t have a job it was worth keeping him around. It was going to be a hard conversation. 

“Oh...fuck,” Crowley said as he swayed toward the Bentley as the sun started to set. This wasn’t good. His vision was swimming and the Bentley suddenly had more than one keyhole. No driving then, he was just going to have to stumble his way home. Aziraphale wasn’t going to like that at all. 

Crowley wasn’t sure how long it took to get home or why he was carrying a couple more bottles of booze but he was home at the bookshop and it was close to dinner so…

“Oh Crowley! Really, one day you couldn’t not drink for one day!” 

“Mmm, but want to…” Crowley didn’t know where he was going with things and simply tried to smile at Aziraphale. Aziraphale frowned. 

“We’ll talk in the morning then, goodnight Crowley.” 

Crowley stood there for a few moments the world spinning even though he was standing still. He needed to get up and get to bed. He stumbled up the first few steps before he came to the conclusion that crawling up the stairs was not beneath him in any way. 

He made it to the bedroom which was spinning a bit. He reached for one of the bottles he had dragged up with him. Just a little more wouldn’t hurt and he wanted to sleep until morning and not wake up until then. 

Crowley lifted the bottle to his lips again and again. If he was still awake he could still drink. He didn’t care how much the room was spinning. It was only when his stomach started to churn that he thought about stopping. 

“Fiiiiiine,” he mumbled and lifted his fingers and snapped. Nothing happened. No. He tried again. Nothing. He couldn’t just miracle it away. He was human. 

And he was going to puke. 

Somehow he made it to the toilet in time. 

In all his nearly six thousand years on earth Crowley had never felt so miserable as right then vomiting up everything in his gut. Even after it was all up and out he kept gagging on bile and dry heaving. 

But then his vision started to swim and Crowley realized something was wrong. Very very wrong. 

“Angel...help me,” he called weakly but could barely make his mouth work. Downstairs there was no way Aziraphale would hear him. 

Oh what had he done?

Humans could die from drinking too much and Crowley felt like that was a very real possibility. He could barely see, the room was spinning and his ears were ringing and he didn’t think he could move without passing out. It felt like it was getting difficult to breathe. 

“No...please,” he mumbled. What had he done? Oh Sat..Go..someone he was dying. He’d ruined it all and doomed them both. There was no way Hell would see this as anything other than suicide. He was going to be separated from Aziraphale. 

Forever. 

He was dooming Aziraphale to destruction. 

Aziraphale was going to come up in the morning and find him dead, or still dying. He didn’t want that. God he didn’t want that.

“Angel…” 

Please. Please no. I’m sorry.

Crowley was nearing blacking out, he could hardly speak above a whisper and breathing was becoming a chore. He needed help, he needed to get Aziraphale attention if he was going to live.

He wanted to live. Oh he wanted to live and he wanted to be able to speak to Aziraphale and tell him he was sorry and work it all out.

If he could just stand, maybe make it to the hall and shout down, maybe get his phone from the nightstand and dial for help himself. 

His ears were ringing and the room was spinning and he didn’t know if he would be able to stand or even crawl. 

Slowly Crowley pushed off from the toilet and crawled to the bathroom door. He closed his eyes for a moment, nausea rising up in his belly. Using the doorframe he was able to stand. The world was spinning still but he thought he might be able to make it to the bedroom door and there he could get Aziraphale’s attention. 

Crowley took a deep breath pushing down the fear and the nausea and pulling together all he could to make it to the door. 

But it was too late. 

The world dissolved around Crowley the instant he left the bathroom door frame behind. He blacked out before he hit the floor.

“I’m sorry Aziraphale,” he thought as the world disappeared, “I love you.”


	8. I can't lose you too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is in bad shape, will Aziraphale find him in time?

Aziraphale paced back and forth in the back room trying to get the anger out of his system. He had truly hoped that Crowley would come back sober. Or at least not nearly fall down drunk! He’d been too drunk to drive home for goodness sakes!

He was going to set his alarm for early in the morning and sit outside the bedroom door or even on the bed and corner Crowley the instant he woke up, hangover be damned. 

But now he needed to calm himself down and get ready to sleep. Music. Music would help calm his nerves. Crowley had gotten him a CD player and Aziraphale put in a Mozart CD and started listening to it and calming down. 

In his thinking and calming down he realized that he could have dealt with the morning’s conversation better. He should have apologized to Crowley, he should have told him how much he loved him, then he should have told Crowley they needed to talk things over. As it was he’d probably scared Crowley into thinking it was over. Aziraphale thought he should probably get up early and make breakfast for Crowley, at least bring him water and aspirin. 

Aziraphale listened to the music and cleaned some of the shop to use up some of the pent up energy as he thought. It was nice and he felt better. He set down the CD player and turned the music off heading to the downstairs bathroom to brush his teeth before bed. 

THUMP

Aziraphale jumped, “What on earth?”

It had come from the bedroom, it had to have been Crowley and Aziraphale sighed, Crowley was drunker than he thought. He listened and didn’t hear Crowley moving and his heart started to pound. Something was wrong. The smell hit him before he entered, alcohol, vomit he frowned as he entered. 

“Crowley!” 

Aziraphale was at his side in an instant. Crowley was crumpled on the floor pale and so very very still. 

“Hold on love, please,” Aziraphale said bending closer to see if Crowley was breathing. He was, but it was shallow, slow, and labored. He had drank too much, and that was not good for a human body. There was no hesitation in Aziraphale’s mind. Crowley needed to go to hospital. 

Aziraphale started to pray right then and there.

Crowley was still breathing when they loaded him into the ambulance, and he was still breathing when they wheeled him into the hospital. Aziraphale watched as they rolled him back, and after paperwork was filled out it was time to wait. 

Aziraphale’s chest was tight with worry and his legs bounced in his seat as he waited. He prayed. 

“Please, please watch over Crowley. I love him so much, please hold on Crowley.” 

Over and over the thoughts went in his head he tried sending all the goodness and love he had to Crowley praying that he held on. Hopefully Crowley had vomited enough of the alcohol out of his system, it didn’t appear that he had vomited after passing out; his breathing was slow but it didn’t seem like he was choking. Still there could be damage to some of Crowley’s organs, Crowley’s brain oh that was very, very bad. Aziraphale started crying; he couldn’t help it. How stupid he was to let Crowley get to this point; this was horrible. 

“Mr. Fell?”

Aziraphale jumped up wiping the tears from his eyes. 

“He’s stable honey,” the nurse said, “come on I’ll let you see him.”

“Oh, oh thank God,” Aziraphale said. Aziraphale stood at the entrance to Crowley’s room and gasped. He still looked so ill. He had two IV’s in his arm and an oxygen mask on his face. 

After a moment Aziraphale moved to the beside gently holding Crowley’s hand. 

“Oh love, it’s so good to see you,” Aziraphale said, “I’m here, you’re going to be alright.” 

Aziraphale wasn’t sure if that was correct but Crowley was breathing better and the monitor seemed to indicate a steady heart. The doctor came in a few minutes later and Aziraphale felt nervous again, but it was good news. Tests looked good. They would keep Crowley overnight at least to keep an eye on him but the outlook was good. 

Aziraphale sank into the chair, “Thank you Doctor. Oh thank you.” 

Aziraphale stayed with Crowley the whole night and hoped that he would be awake in the morning. The doctor said Crowley would likely sleep longer and that he’d have a hell of hangover which they would manage and make sure Crowley’s tests were still good before sending him home, hopefully by the end of the day. 

Crowley started to wake around nine in the morning, turning and moaning. 

“Crowley? It's alright love, you’re alright,” Aziraphale said holding Crowley’s hand and running his hand through Crowley’s hair. 

Crowley blinked, his eyes opened and moaned, closing them again. 

“Too bright?”

“Mmm.” 

Aziraphale turned the lights down a little and Crowley opened his eyes again. 

“Mm alive? Feel dead…” 

“You’re very much alive, just very hungover, in hospital.” 

Crowley looked around for a moment then looked back at Aziraphale tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Crowley cried. 

“Shh love, I’m here,” Aziraphale said, “I’m sorry too.” 

Crowley spent most of the morning dozing in and out, fighting nausea and a horrible headache. At midday he was able to eat broth and crackers and keep them down. Test after test came back good, and late in the afternoon he was released and told to rest for a few days and drink plenty of water. 

Aziraphale helped Crowley into bed bringing him some juice and crackers and aspirin, “There you are love.” 

Crowley smiled then looked down at the bed in front of him, “Will you stay with me tonight?” 

“Of course I will love.” 

“We have so much to talk about,” Crowley said. 

“We can wait till you’re better rested.” 

Crowley nodded, “I love you. I…” 

Aziraphale pulled Crowley into his arms and they fell asleep like that; together. 

Aziraphale woke to Crowley softly touching his face and he smiled to see him. 

“An...Aziraphale I’m so sorry I scared you. I’m so grateful to be here. I thought...I knew I was in trouble and didn't know if I could get your attention. I was so scared. I almost messed this all up for us. I regretted everything I’ve been doing and my only hope was that I would be able to live and let you know.” 

“I’ve been a stubborn ass,” Aziraphale admitted, “pushing you away. Not accepting your platitudes. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was so scared when I found you on the floor. You were barely breathing. I’m so sorry. I made you think this shop was more important than you.” 

“I know you love the shop and your books,” Crowley said. 

“I love you Crowley. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I don’t think you are lazy, I was just...angry. I know this is hard for you and you shut down sometimes. I do too. I shouldn’t be mad at you for a problem I have too. I thought...I had been thinking you were trying to make me mad by going out to look for work every day.” 

“I wanted to pull my weight. Why...why did you throw away the flowers and cards? That...that really hurt,” Crowley sniffed. 

“I don’t know...I was being so irrational. I was having trouble sleeping and it just spiraled into taking it out on you. I hurt you so badly can you ever forgive me?” 

“I do. I love you, I was an ass too and I’m sorry for hurting you,” Crowley said. 

“We are such a mess,” Aziraphale said, “This is harder than I thought. We keep doing this going fine for some time and then diving into madness and hurting each other. We’ve lost so much I can’t lose you too.” 

“I can’t lose you either. I might still look for a job, if I can find anything. We could use some more money and maybe if I could find something to do I wouldn’t mope around as much,” Crowley said. 

“We can manage, I can do better too,” Aziraphale said, “I am so thankful to have you Crowley, even when times are hard. Let’s try to better help each other.” 

“Of course an...Aziraphale,” Crowley said. 

“You can call me angel, I know you never meant it literally,” Aziraphale said. 

“Sure angel,” Crowley said ducking his head down and blushing furiously. 

Aziraphale smiled, wasn’t that the sweetest look in the entire world. His Crowley, his world, he had almost lost it and he would fight to keep it. 

He felt he had something to prove to Crowley; that he was loved and that Aziraphale was committed to their relationship. It took him a few days to think of something but when he did it seemed rather obvious. Marriage was the right way to go with it.

“I’m going out dear,” Aziraphale said early one morning far before Crowley was up and ready. 

“Might not be here when you get back,” Crowley said and for an instant Aziraphale’s heart stopped before he saw that Crowley was smiling, “I’ve got a job interview!” 

“Oh Crowley I’m so glad. I wish you the best of luck.” 

“Thank you angel,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale picked out a simple engagement ring and by the time Crowley got home later he was a bundle of nerves. 

Crowley came in with a smile and a bouquet of flowers, “For you my angel, from your florist.” 

“Oh that’s wonderful dear. These are beautiful,” Aziraphale said. 

“It’s only a part time gig but it’ll give me something to do,” Crowley said, “What have you been up to angel?” 

“Who says I have been up to anything?” Aziraphale said. 

“I can tell you have,” Crowley said with a smirk. 

Aziraphale dropped to one knee and pulled the ring from his pocket, “Crowley my love, will you marry me?”

Crowley’s mouth dropped open and he made some strange noises before dropping down before Aziraphale, “Yes. Yes angel. I…” Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale and held him tight. 

“I want you to know how much I love you, how committed I am to you,” Aziraphale said, “That I want to be with you through it all.” 

“I love you Angel,” Crowley said, “Can I...can I kiss you?” 

Aziraphale hesitated a moment; they hadn’t kissed yet, though he didn’t really think he would mind, he wasn’t sure how much he would like it. Crowley was blushing furiously and had looked down at the floor. 

“Yes, kiss me,” Aziraphale said lifting Crowley’s chin and closing half the distance. Crowley came the rest of the way, lips far softer than Aziraphale had imagined. Everything about the kiss was soft; sweet and caring. 

“Thank you angel,” Crowley said, “Did you like it? We don’t have to kiss again if you didn’t like it, just felt right.” Crowley was still blushing furiously.

“I did like it,” Aziraphale said, planting a quick kiss on Crowley’s lips. 

Crowley, the nearly six thousand year old former demon who professed to be nothing but cool, giggled. Aziraphale giggled as well. 

“Should we celebrate angel? Dinner out,” Crowley asked. 

“That sounds wonderful my love,” Aziraphale said with a smile.


	9. Buried Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley are on vacation when disaster strikes.

Aziraphale sighed contentedly as he stretched out in the sun. It was nice to get away once in a while and go somewhere different. Crowley had surprised him with a vacation to Italy for their third wedding anniversary.

They had birthdays now, according to their papers, and had started to celebrate them. Two months had passed since Aziraphale’s fifty-fifth birthday. He did feel a little older, but he still felt good, still felt strong even after ten years of being human.

Part of the reason for feeling good was sitting beside him, wearing indecently skimpy bathing trunks and stretching languidly across a chair. Crowley. The love of his life and his partner in everything. 

“You’re staring angel,” Crowley said and Aziraphale blushed. 

“Well it’s hard not to when you’re dressed like that,” Aziraphale said. 

“Could have gone to a nude beach,” Crowley smirked and Aziraphale’s blush deepened. 

They spent a long time sitting on the beach, Aziraphale read and Crowley dozed and sunbathed. 

It was a wonderful day and Aziraphale couldn’t help the feeling of contentment and joy as they got back to the hotel. 

“You look happy,” Crowley said. 

“I am happy. So happy my love,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley smiled and pulled Aziraphale into a hug. From there Crowley tried to push Aziraphale on the bed but Aziraphale ended up overcorrecting and they both ended up on the floor. Crowley was laughing and it was adorable and Aziraphale kissed him. 

“Perfectly good bed right there angel,” Crowley said when they broke apart. 

“I suppose there is. How about I pick you up off the floor and put you on it,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley moaned and closed his eyes. It was such a lovely indecent noise and Aziraphale loved it. He put his hand under Crowley’s back letting it drag up toward his shoulders. Crowley shivered and when Aziraphale put his hand under Crowley’s legs.Aziraphale was about to lift Crowley when the room gave a quick violent shake. Aziraphale froze as the shaking stopped and looked down as Crowley started to laugh.

“Sorry...sorry, the timing,” Crowley laughed and Aziraphale joined in. What were the odds of an earthquake at that exact moment, it was rather funny. 

Until the shaking started up again. And didn’t stop. 

Aziraphale and Crowley froze, unsure of what they should do, if they should try to get out or if it was safer here. The hotel they were in was an older building but surely it would hold up? 

A piece of the ceiling came down in the corner of the room. The building was coming down, or part of it. 

“Grab the mattress!” Crowley called out, “Pull it over us.” Crowley took one corner of it and Aziraphale the other. They pulled the mattress over themselves as the room continued to shake.

Then everything started to collapse and Aziraphale reached for Crowley and shut his eyes tight. 

Aziraphale came to and everything was still and he realized he must have blacked out for some time. He tried to take a deeper breath and found it difficult. He wiggled around a little and found that he was quite stuck. Not crushed though. He could breathe without pain and he didn’t feel like anything was broken or wrong. He was just stuck. 

“Crowley?” he squeezed Crowley’s hand.

Nothing.

“Crowley....Crowley please…” Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hand and shook his arm. No, Crowley had to be alright he had to. Aziraphale tried to move again, wiggling this way and that, unable to try to get loose. It was too dark to see Crowley, he couldn’t even see what was wrong or if...if…

Aziraphale’s heart was racing and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He shut his eyes tight and tried to get a handle on his breathing. Panicking was not going to help Crowley. Once his mind cleared a little he adjusted his grip on Crowley’s wrist and felt an even, strong pulse. 

“Oh thank God, thank you,” Azirphale said. 

A few moments later Crowley let out a groan and Aziraphale could hear movement. 

“Crowley? Crowley it’s alright, well not alright but...are you okay?”

“Angel…” 

“It appears the building collapsed in the earthquake…” 

Crowley gasped and Aziraphale could hear him trying to move, “Oh fuck!” 

“Crowley, please, talk to me are you badly hurt?”

“I...no, no I don’t think so. You?” 

“I’m quite stuck but nothing feels too bad, a bit banged up I suppose,” he said. 

“Me too, can’t really move,” Crowley said with a sigh. 

“Can you breathe alright?” 

“Yeah angel,” Crowley squeezed Aziraphale’s hand.

“Good idea with the mattress love, probably saved us,” Aziraphale said. He could almost hear Crowley smile in the darkness. 

“What do we do now?” 

“Wait, I suppose, for rescue.” 

Crowley sighed, “I’m never going to complain about not being able to miracle a stain out again. This truly sucks. But I’m glad we’re alright.” 

They held hands and they listened for sounds or rescue or anything. It was late at night so there was going to be a bit of a delay for rescue. Aziraphale tried to keep calm but his mind was racing, what if the building collapsed further? What if there were aftershocks that made things worse? What if either of them were hurt worse than it seemed?

“Hey, angel, hey,” Crowley said, “Just try to stay calm love. I know this sucks but don’t let your mind make it worse. I’m here.” 

“I know, I’ll be alright,” Aziraphale said. They fell into silence again and tried to wait it out.

Aziraphale’s worst fear hit sometime later. The ground began to shake and the sound of shifting wreckage was all Aziraphale could hear. He held Crowley’s hand tightly and prayed. The shaking stopped and Aziraphale let out a shaky breath. 

“Alright angel?”

“Still here,” he said, voice shaking. 

More time passed and Aziraphale was feeling sore and tired and scared that they would never make it out. At times it seemed he was having trouble breathing and he didn’t know whether it was because of low oxygen in their little pocket or if it was just anxiety. 

“Getting harder to breathe,” Crowley said.

“Yes,” Aziraphale agreed, swallowing hard. 

Keeping quiet was the best idea, be quiet and still to conserve the air they had left. That and pray for rescue soon. Aziraphale thought that he might be hearing the sound of something coming closer but he wasn’t sure.

Crowley squeezed his hand, “My chest hurts angel.” 

“Hold on love,” Aziraphale said squeezing his hand back as hard as he could. As time continued to pass Aziraphale became painfully aware of the effort Crowley was putting in to breathe, he could hear Crowley drawing heavy breaths and forcing them out, not time between inhale and exhale. Aziraphale’s chest felt a little tight but he was getting enough air if only just, something else was going on with Crowley. 

“Crowley, love what’s going on?” 

“Don’t know...can’t breathe…”

Aziraphale listened as Crowley took a few gasping breaths to make up for speaking. Aziraphale felt his heart start to race; worried about Crowley who he couldn’t even see. He didn’t know what to do; there wasn’t much he could do. He twisted Crowley’s hand a little, finding a weaker racing pulse. 

Aziraphale heard something then; noises of rubble being moved and rescue coming. 

“I can hear rescuers, hold on Crowley,” Aziraphale said. Crowley whimpered then and the sound broke Aziraphale’s heart. 

“Angel…”

“I’m here love,” Aziraphale squeezed his hand. 

“Trying not to...but,” he paused sucking in several rapid breaths, “I’m dying.” 

It was Aziraphale’s turn to whimper. He knew though, knew that Crowley was struggling and weakening and being very, very brave.

“I know love, I’m here with you, I know you’re fighting it. You’re being so brave Crowley,” Aziraphale said. Crowley squeezed his hand. 

Aziraphale continued, “I love you so much Crowley. My beautiful wonderful Crowley.” Aziraphale didn’t know if Crowley was going to make it, but if he wasn’t...he wanted Crowley to be thinking of him, of them, of love. 

Aziraphale started to sing, softly, “You’re the best friend that I ever had, I’ve been with you such a long time…” Crowley gave a little sigh and squeezed Aziraphale’s hand. Though the lyrics were from Crowley’s bebop music Aziraphale had found the lyrics fit an old hymn and had started to sing the song to the tune of the hymn to see Crowley’s reaction. Crowley had spluttered and looked offended the first time he’d done it but Aziraphale was fairly certain he secretly liked it. 

The rescuers were nearing them and the noise made it hard to hear if Crowley was still breathing. The only thing Aziraphale could focus on was the pulse at Crowley’s wrist. 

The rescuers broke through lifting the mattress away from Aziraphale and Crowley. Aziraphale blinked against the sudden harsh light pulse quickening as he waited for his vision to clear so he could see Crowley. 

Crowley was blinking sluggishly, as he struggled for shallow breaths. He turned his head and smiled at Aziraphale. He smiled back, hiding his worry over seeing Crowley so pale, struggling so much to breathe. 

Everything went fast after that, they were both taken from the wreckage to the hospital where they were separated. Aziraphale wished he could go in with Crowley, but there were too many wounded and it was enough to know that Crowley was getting help. 

Aziraphale needed stitches on a few deeper cuts on his legs and had a cracked rib but was otherwise fine. After he was treated he once again found himself waiting for news on Crowley. He found himself twisting the ring that Crowley had given him and hoped that he would be able to make good on marrying him. 

Hours passed but when at last a Doctor came out to speak to him it was good news. Crowley was alive, he was stable, and he was recovering. Crowley’s spleen had ruptured and he had lost a lot of blood, but surgery had been successful. 

Poor Crowley. It always seemed like he was getting hurt and in hospital. Aziraphale seriously hoped it wouldn’t happen again. The poor man didn’t deserve it. Aziraphale hoped that Crowley would recover quickly. 

It took a few weeks to get everything sorted and get back to the bookshop, back home. 

Crowley lowered himself onto the couch gently with a sigh, “Good to be back.” Aziraphale sat by his side and took his hand. 

“I’m so glad that you’re alright love,” Aziraphale said.

“Sorry I keep worrying you like this. Not trying to,” he said. 

“I know love,” Aziraphale kissed him on the cheek. They spent most of the day snuggled up on the couch enjoying each other’s company and thankful they were both still there.


	10. I'm sorry, I didn't know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley have an uncomfortable yet necessary conversation about death.

Crowley passed Aziraphale the popcorn and turned on the TV. It was friday night and they had decided to stay in and watch a movie. Crowley was proud that he was getting Aziraphale to watch more and more movies though there were some Aziraphale would never like. 

Something romantic would be good and Crowley put on one that had gotten good reviews but he really didn’t know much about. 

That turned out to be a mistake. 

Aziraphale started to squirm uncomfortably as the couple on screen fought about money issues. Crowley was sitting still and hissing under his breath. He should have looked more into the movie. 

Aziraphale was starting to sniffle when the couple got into a car accident and one was pinned and trying to get the other to hang on. They made it but the third act followed the couple into old age, where one died in the arms of the other. 

Aziraphale was sobbing by the end. Crowley felt like an ass. An ass who was also crying. He scooted closer to Aziraphale and drew him into his arms.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Crowley said, “I should have looked into the movie more.” 

“Oh but it was a good film darling, just…” 

“Hit a little close to home?” 

Aziraphale nodded and Crowley hugged him closer. It had only been a little more than a year since their incident in Italy and it was still fresh on both their minds. Crowley had nearly died, Crowley had been all but certain that he wasn't going to make it. He had made his peace with dying and was glad he could hold Aziraphale’s hand and listen to him singing softly. 

He shook at the thought of it. 

Aziraphale sighed.

“Should I get some cocoa? Something else?” 

“No dear, I...well I think we need to talk about...dying.” 

Crowley didn’t want to but he thought he knew where Aziraphale was going to go with it and it did make sense. It was a human thing and they were human. 

“There is a great chance that one of us will go before the other. Both times you were in hospital you recovered quickly, but I don’t know what you want done if the situation isn’t clear.” 

“Right, and we have to realize that it might be something that takes longer. Cancer. Bad heart,” Crowley said. 

“I know this isn’t a nice conversation especially when we’re trying to enjoy an evening and we don’t have to have it tonight but...it is something we need to know about each other.” 

“I don’t want to leave you.” 

“And I don’t want to leave you dear,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley’s chest felt tight at the thought of the whole thing but he couldn’t help but think of Aziraphale, sick or dying and the pain it would be to not know what he wanted done. 

“I’ll always try to fight and if the chances are good I would want to go forward with treatment,” Aziraphale said, “But if it is apparent that I am dying I just want to be with you, and as comfortable as can be made. If I am not able to make a decision or speak I trust you Crowley. I know that no matter how badly it will hurt to lose me, that you would not condemn me to unnecessary pain.”

Crowley swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, “Think I feel about the same. I trust you. Would rather have a shorter amount of good time than longer treatment that has a low chance. I don’t...don’t want to be drugged out of my mind with machines keeping me alive if I can’t enjoy life. Best to let me go then.” 

“I hope I can live up to your trust,” Aziraphale said. 

“You already have. In Italy. I was so scared, I knew I was in bad shape, but I was more scared of your reaction, that you would beg me to stay or that you would be angry if I couldn’t make it. I know you must have been terrified but I felt so...at peace. I still wanted desperately to stay but I knew that no matter what you were there with me and that you loved me. You held my hand and you sang to me and…” Crowley had to stop then and wipe the tears from his eyes and take a deep breath. 

Aziraphale gave him a squeeze and kissed Crowley on the cheek, “My sweet love. I was indeed terrified. I was angry that I couldn’t do anything. I wanted you to know I was there.” 

“I knew. I love you,” Crowley said kissing Aziraphale quickly on the lips. They snuggled on the couch for the rest of the evening, content and comfortable with each other.

“I’ll enjoy this as long as I can,” Crowley thought, and hoped it would be a long time.


	11. Hallucinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley finds something odd while cleaning and he and Aziraphale decide to partake. It doesn't go well.

Aziraphale was getting older. He was starting to feel it and notice it more and more. He was sore in the morning no matter what and his back didn’t like him sitting and reading all the time. He felt a little flabby at times and got winded far sooner than he used to. 

He noticed Crowley getting older too. There were more wrinkles on his face, and his hair was going grey at the temples. 

They were both still healthy at sixty which was something to be thankful for. They had had mishaps in their now fifteen years of being human but they were still going strong, and still very much in love. 

Aziraphale was feeling a little down though and a little bored. He was thinking of maybe going on a vacation with Crowley or something similar. 

“Angel!” Crowley called up from the cellar, “Angel are these what I think they are?” 

Aziraphale made his way downstairs to where Crowley had been dusting and puttering about in the cellar. 

Crowley was holding up a clear plastic bag with what looked like some sort of…

“Angel are these shrooms?” 

“Shrooms? They are mushrooms, yes.” 

“But are they the kind that make you trip? Get you high angel, is that what they are?” Crowley sounded excited and was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Oh, yes, well. They are indeed that kind of mushroom,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley laughed, “Why do you have these?” 

“Well. I was curious,” Aziraphale pouted. 

“You’ve used them then?”

“Yes. Decades ago,” he said. 

“Wanna do some shrooms angel?” Crowley said. 

“Well I…” It wasn’t a horrible idea. Aziraphale had been in the mood for something different. He had tried them back in the sixties and had tried quite a few human drugs over the years. He recalled that it was a nice feeling and thought it would be quite fun to perhaps do some with Crowley.

Crowley who was now pouting at him and holding the bag barely holding back his excitement. 

“Yes. Actually I rather think that might be fun.” 

“Yes!” 

So that ws how Aziraphale ended up in bed with Crowley taking shrooms. They decided to go one at a time just in case something unexpected happened and Crowley had volunteered to go first. When the mushrooms kicked in Crowley started to giggle.

“This is great angel. You are...so beautiful,” Crowley said and brought his hand up to stroke Aziraphale’s cheek, “Soft.” 

“You’re quite handsome you know,” Aziraphale said which made Crowley giggle more. 

It took a few hours for Crowley to come down from his high and when it was over he took a nap. Aziraphale left him to it and made them lunch for whenever Crowley woke up. 

“So do you want to have a go angel? After lunch?” Crowley asked.

“I don’t know,” Aziraphale said. 

“Come on angel. That was fun, you should have a go,” Crowley said with a smile. 

“Wily old thing,” Aziraphale said. He decided to give it a go and after lunch was cleaned up they once again went upstairs and Aziraphale had some mushroom tea and waited. 

It was nice at first when it kicked in. 

Aziraphale was in awe of the man before him. Crowley was so beautiful. It was such a privilege to be able to look at him all he wanted and to know that Crowley was his.

Aziraphale kissed Crowley. Pure bliss. He pressed himself against Crowley and could feel his heart beating. Felt his own heart pounding against Crowley. It felt like they were connected. One being. Pure bliss. 

Aziraphale pulled back and opened his eyes. 

Crowley was dead. Aziraphale blinked and Crowley was covered in blood. No no no, this wasn’t real it wasn’t…

Aziraphale pushed away from Crowley. Every time he blinked it seemed that something was wrong with Crowley. But it wasn’t real was it? This was just a...a bad... everything. 

“Angel, hey angel, you’re alright,” Crowley’s voice broke through the rising panic. 

“No. You’re not alright Crowley!” 

“I am, angel, we’re both alright,” Crowley said. Aziraphale didn’t want to open his eyes and didn't want to see what his brain was doing to Crowley. He didn’t know how Crowley was staying so calm. Everything was too much and he felt like his brain was going to explode. 

Aziraphale forced his hands over his eyes and curled up into a ball. It would be over eventually if he could just calm down. Right?

“You’re alright Aziraphale. We’re safe at home and I’m fine and I love you very much,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale risked opening his eyes and all he saw was a dead Crowley before him. He shut his eyes again and whimpered. 

“Can I touch you angel, would that be too much?” 

Aziraphale reached for Crowley, letting him take his hand. That was good, it wasn’t bad if he kept his eyes closed. Azriphale could feel that he was shaking and started to cry. It was all too much, far too much and he didn’t know if he was going to make it through it all. 

Crowley’s voice cut through the haze singing softly, “You’re the best friend that I ever had, I’ve been with you such a long time…” It was nice. Crowley had a nice voice. It took Aziraphale a long time to realize what Crowley was singing and it warmed Aziraphale’s heart. Aziraphale scooted toward Crowley and wrapped his arms around him, still unable to open his eyes. But things were becoming a little less overwhelming and he tried to keep his mind on Crowley’s voice, “I really love the things that you do, you’re my best friend.” 

Aziraphale ended up falling asleep. 

He woke some time later with the sun going down and more than a little confused. Then he remembered partaking in the mushrooms and he groaned. Oh that hadn’t been very smart at all had it?

“Hey, you back?” Crowley asked, all softness and kindness and it melted Aziraphale’s heart. 

“Yes. Oh dear that didn’t go so well did it?”

“I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have pushed you to do it,” Crowley said. 

“It was good at first, I was having a good time. I’ve done them before and never had that reaction before. Thank you for helping me through it.” 

“Of course. Don’t like to see you hurting like that. Let’s cross shrooms off the list shall we?” Crowley asked. 

“Yes, I think we should.” 

“Can I get anything for you angel?” 

“A cup of tea would be nice love, if you wouldn’t mind,” Aziraphale said. Crowley gave him a quick kiss and left to go make tea. Aziraphale smiled. Crowley was so sweet, so good to him. He was still smiling about it when Crowley came back and he smiled back. 

“Good to see you alright angel. I’m so sorry you had a bad trip,” Crowley said.

“The singing helped,” Aziraphale said, “That was a good move.” 

“Stole it from the best, hoped it would have that effect. Now what shall we do to reclaim the day?”

“Bit far gone isn’t it? I just want to sit with you, maybe watch something stupid?” Aziraphale said. 

“Sounds wonderful angel,” Crowley said, flopping on the bed beside him. Aziraphale took Crowley’s hand and smiled.


	12. Who are you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation leaves Aziraphale feeling bad about himself, Crowley knows what to do.

Aziraphale walked through the museum with Crowley in hand. They had both been a bit bored and it was a ridiculously hot day and they wanted to go somewhere indoors. Crowley had searched the local theaters for anything good and through his phone away in disgust complaining that there was nothing to see. 

It was Aziraphale who suggested the British Museum; they hadn’t been there in some time and there were a few new Roman items in the collection that Aziraphale wanted to see. 

“Probably saw them when they were new,” Crowley said with a smirk, “But the museum is a good idea.” 

Crowley drove and Aziraphale had to admit that one good side effect of being human was that Crowley now drove at a sensible speed. Aziraphale hoped he drove safely while he was alone as well but it was good enough to have him put the effort in to keep them both safe when in the Bentley. 

Crowley mumbled about parking and the cost of it and needing petrol but once they got inside the cool museum he started to smile and reached for Aziraphale’s hand. 

It was nice and cool and quiet and it was so much fun just walking hand in hand with Crowley. 

They got to the Roman collection and to the few new items. 

“Well I don’t know if that’s Roman, not from the immediate area,” Aziraphale said. 

“Macedonian wouldn’t you say,” Corwley said, bending closer to examine the broach before them. 

“I would say, maybe even a bit further to the east. An eastern approximation of something more western.” 

“Style changes and influences each other so much,” Crowley said, “Hard to remember sometimes.” 

“I’d still go Macedonian,” Azirphale said after looking at the broach for some time. 

“It is absolutely not Macedonian,” a man said from behind them. He was a middle aged man and Aziraphale thought he looked like a historian or anthropologist of some sort. 

“Well if you look at how the coil is twisted there…” Aziraphale started to point out when the man interrupted.

“It’s a bull, it has to be Roman and I was the one who found it,” the man said. 

“Finding it with other Roman things doesn’t necessarily make it Roman my dear boy,” Aziraphale said. 

“And who are you? Do you have a degree in the field or are you just an amatuer,” the man said, making sure to emphasize the word amatuer as if it was an insult. 

“I…” Azirphale stopped himself. What he wanted to say was that he knew what he was looking at because he was in the area when it was made, that he knew because he had seen so many of them and recognized the subtle differences. He wanted to say that he was an angel and that he knew what he was talking about. 

But he couldn’t. He wasn’t an angel anymore. He didn’t have any sort of credentials a human would recognize as being relevant to the situation. He was no one. 

“I suppose I am an amatuer,” Aziraphale said quietly. The man gave a soft scoff and moved away. 

Crowley squeezed his hand, “You alright angel?” 

“Yes I...yes,” he said. 

He tried to push it out of his mind. It didn’t really matter. He knew he was right and the man was unimportant. It was hard to let go though and he found himself coming back to the conversation several more times. 

He felt down and was a little depressed by the time they got home. He felt like he was useless as a human. He used to be able to help people, to do good on a grand scale. He had influenced and helped leaders and common people alike. He had been important and made a difference and now...he was just an ordinary human wasn’t he? Aziraphale wondered if he couldn’t have been doing more even as a human. He was doing a bad job wasn’t he? He always did a bad job didn’t he?

“Forgot something, gonna run out real quick angel,” Crowley said and Aziraphale let him go. 

He dusted a little bit and puttered around the bookshop trying to take his mind off it. Aziraphale didn’t like it didn’t like feeling like he didn’t know things or that what he knew was irrelevant. Like he was irrelevant. 

Aziraphale supposed he was irrelevant. Just one amongst billions of humans and nothing more. He didn’t like it and it made him feel like crying. Eventually he did start crying and rushed to wipe the tears away when he heard the Bentley outside. 

“Hey angel I’m back!” Crowley called out. 

“Back here darling,” Aziraphale answered. 

“Good, now close your eyes and open your mouth,” Crowley said. He was holding something behind his back and grinning from ear to ear. Aziraphale frowned a little wondering what mischief he had gotten up to. 

Crowley pouted, “Come on angel.” 

“Very well,” Aziraphale said, doing as he was told. He sensed Crowley coming near and felt a cold plastic spoon on his tongue. 

Ice cream. 

No...oh it was the hot chocolate gelato he had discovered a few years ago…

He opened his eyes and stared at Crowley, “You didn’t! I didn’t think you were gone long enough…” 

But Crowley held out the container and it was from the small shop miles away.

“Oh Crowley…” 

“I know how much you like it, and I know you were feeling down,” Crowley said with a slight blush on his cheeks. 

“You went through traffic in the heat just to get me gelato to make me feel better?” 

“Of course,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale set the gelato down and pulled Crowley into a tight hug, “Thank you my love.” 

“You are very welcome love. Now let’s enjoy this before it melts,” Crowley said. They sat on the couch together feeding each other gelato. 

It was a dignified process until Aziraphale decided the ice cream would look good on Crowley’s nose. 

“Ah! Bastard!” Crowley retaliated by smearing gelato across Aziraphale's cheek. It went back and forth until they were both sticky and giggling. 

What did it matter that Aziraphale was just a simple human? He could still do some good and try harder to do so. He was important. Important to Crowley and that was what mattered most wasn’t it?


	13. Hiding Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is out of town and Crowley is bored. He does something dumb, gets hurt, and tries to hide it.

Crowley was bored. Very, very bored. Aziraphale was gone for a couple of days, up north for a book event that he’d been excited about for months. Originally Crowley was going to go with him of course but the day before he had felt like he might be getting a cold and didn’t want to get sick on the trip. 

Turned out to just be allergies or something else because now he felt fine. Physically at least. Mentally he was bored. 

He couldn’t think of anything he wanted to go out and do, the florist shop was closed for a few weeks due to a family emergency so Crowley had some time off. He wasn’t sure how long he would be working. An odd thing getting old. There were times when he didn’t feel any different; he was the same Crowley he had always been. But then other days his body ached and his mind felt a bit fuzzy and he felt old. 

Aziraphale had these days too, Crowley noticed there were times when Aziraphale had to slow down when reading or go back over a page he had just read. He was used to seeing Aziraphale hobble around a bit in the morning until his joints decided they wanted to work again. 

Crowley only really seemed to be having problems with his left knee. The damn thing didn’t want to move right or made sure he felt it every time it moved. It was beginning to get a bit difficult going up and down the stairs some mornings. Some days even. 

This morning was no different and he dreaded going back upstairs and having to come downstairs. If only they had a slide so he could at least go down without bothering his knee. He wondered if Aziraphale would let him instal a chair lift if it got bad enough. 

Crowley looked at the stairs, Crowley looked at how they spiraled and didn’t think they could get a lift installed. 

As for sliding? Well, there wasn’t enough room to turn half the staircase into a slide. Crowley had thought he could take books and maybe cardboard or something and make a slide but...no not enough room. 

Crowley stared at the handrail. 

It was wide enough for him to sit on and slide down wasn’t it? He’d actually always wanted to try but he wasn’t sure Aziraphale would appreciate it. 

Aziraphale wasn’t there though was he?

Crowley made sure he was wearing a silky pair of trousers so he would slide down the banister and not just get stuck. 

This was going to be fun.

Crowley made it almost all the way down before disaster struck. He was in the middle of shifting so he could hop down on the last step, pleased that his plan had worked. An instant later Crowley had leaned a little too far back in anticipation of jumping and tumbled backwards off the stairs. He tried to flip over like some sort of overgrown cat but only managed to twist a little. 

His shoulder and hip slammed into the hard floor. 

“Ahhh...Ngk...Fuck!” 

Crowley had made a mistake. That was a very stupid thing to do and as pain raced through his side he wondered how much damage he had done. Visions of having to call an ambulance and explain why he had broken bones made him groan. 

After a few moments Crowley moved, slowly. It hurt but as he tested his hip and shoulder nothing felt out of place. He got up carefully and walked around the shop slowly testing his shoulder and hip. 

Nothing was broken, but it still hurt. 

By that evening his entire right side was one huge painful bruise. Aziraphale was going to be home in the morning and Crowley was going to have to try to hide it. He didn’t want to explain what he had done. 

It was stupid. 

By morning Crowley realized that it was going to be hard to hide the bruising from Aziraphale. It took Crowley a long time to get out of bed and moving and his whole side was hot and stiff and he thought about staying in bed. 

Aziraphale got home around noon bustling in the shop with two bags stuffed full and a smile on his face. 

“Good haul angel?”

“Oh yes! I had such a wonderful time, it was absolutely lovely oh I wish you had been there!” Aziraphale said. 

“Probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much,” Crowley said. 

“You sound good, no cold then?”

“Nah, allergies maybe,” Crowley shrugged. Aziraphale set his books down and came in for a hug. Crowley stiffened a little bit suppressing a gasp.

“Crowley?”

“Slept wrong bit sore,” he said. 

“Oh sorry dear, I’ll be gentle with you,” Aziraphale said kissing Crowley on the cheek. Crowley blushed, which made Aziraphale giggle and kiss him again. 

Hiding the bruises was easy for the rest of the day as they mostly sat and talked and didn’t do much moving around. Even then he had to hide a few winces. 

Evening came and Crowley stood before their bathroom mirror. The bruising somehow looked worse than it had the day before. Luckily it wasn’t too hot to wear long sleeved pajamas but if the bruising didn’t go away he was going to have to come clean to Aziraphale. 

Crowley stiffened again as Aziraphale snuggled up to him. 

“Still sore?”

“Bit yeah,” he said. 

“Poor dear,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley hoped that the bruises or at least the pain from them went away soon so he could stop making excuses for them. 

In the morning Crowley woke up to Aziraphale gasping. His steep muddled mind was confused until he started to move. Pain flared in his hip and as he looked down he realized his bottoms had pulled down a bit revealing his badly bruised hip. 

Crowley moaned.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale said from behind him softly putting his hand on Crowley’s bruised hip. 

Crowley sighed, “Bit more than just that.” He shifted and took off his top revealing his shoulder. 

“Oh dear, oh Crowley what happened?” 

Crowley shifted around to face Aziraphale, “Did something stupid.” 

“Why did you hide it?” 

“Didn’t want to tell you what happened. I don’t know. Didn’t want to worry you. I’m fine,” Crowley said. 

“I wouldn’t call that fine dear, but I’m glad you’re not badly hurt.” 

They lay in silence for a little while before Crowley realized he still needed to tell Aziraphale what happened. He had already upset the angel by not telling him.

“Was having a bad day with my knee, wanted a faster way downstairs and I...slid down the handrail.” 

Aziraphale giggled a little, “Oh no I’m so sorry love. I’m sorry.” 

“Flipped backwards off the end and landed on the shoulder and hip,” Crowley finished.

“You could have really hurt yourself, could have broken your hip.” 

“I know,” Crowley sighed, “I’m sorry. I was just...bored.” 

“I’m not angry Crowley, I’m sorry I laughed. That’s why you hid it and here I go doing just what you feared.” 

“Wasn’t that bad. I don’t know what I was thinking,” Crowley said, “Just being stupid.” 

“You are many things my dear but you are not stupid. Never have been, never will be,” Aziraphale said, “You are clever and chaotic and sometimes that gets you in trouble but you are not stupid.” 

“Maybe a little dumb. I won’t do it again,” Crowley said. 

“I’d hate to see you hurt yourself,” Aziraphale said, “More than you already have. We’ll think of a way to get up and down without being dangerous. So please don’t tie a rope and slide down it.” 

“That might work angel,” Crowley said with a smile. 

“Oh you are impossible,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley smiled, “You love me for it.” 

Aziraphale huffed, “I do. Now let’s see if we can get ourselves out of bed.” 

Crowley grumbled and Aziraphale giggled again.


	14. I didn't mean it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale has a nightmare

Aziraphale lay in bed having trouble falling asleep. He had made peace with the fact that sleep wasn’t always going to be easy for him. He was curled up with Crowley, the former demon’s back against his chest. Crowley was snoring softly. 

It was so wonderful to see Crowley so relaxed and to know he felt safe with Aziraphale. Aziraphale had always wanted to protect Crowley. Some nights that involved holding Crowley after a nightmare which seemed to plague him often. Crowley was such a sensitive person at times. 

Aziraphale himself didn’t dream often. Or at least he didn’t remember when he did. Most of his dreams were just vague shadows of things or feelings. He sighed softly not sure if he was going to fall asleep any time soon. After a bit Crowley flipped over to face Aziraphale.

Aziraphale watched as Crowley slept. Crowley’s hair was cut short and almost entirely grey now, wrinkles deepening on his face. He was still so beautiful. 

At last Aziraphale fell asleep thinking about Crowley and it wasn’t surprising that he started to dream about Crowley.

He and Crowley were out walking in the park. Holding hands and tossing peas at the ducks. 

A nice dream. 

“Crowley I don’t think this is working out,” Dream Aziraphale said. 

“What?” Crowley’s face went still, shocked. 

“I just don’t think I love you anymore is the thing,” Aziraphale said, throwing peas at a couple of ducks as if he had been commenting on the weather. 

“I...I don’t understand...what did I do?” 

“I’m not sure I ever loved you is the thing. I’ve been thinking about it and you are just...not enough.” 

Crowley was crying and hand pressed tightly over his heart. The heart Aziraphale was breaking. 

“Angel...I’m sorry. Whatever I did...I’m sorry.” 

“It was everything Crowley,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley looked stunned and unsure, “Aziraphale please…”

“Oh give it up, you foul creature!” 

Crowley fell to his knees sobbing both hands shaking and pressed to his chest. Aziraphale remained standing feeling somewhat disgusted at the sight before him. Crowley collapsed further now struggling to breathe. 

“Az...help...my heart…” 

Aziraphale stood over Crowley and watched him struggle. Aziraphale understood what was happening. That it wasn’t just emotional heartbreak but a heart attack. On the ground Crowley gasped and rubbed his chest and Aziraphale stood and watched. 

“It’s better this way, you understand,” Aziraphale said. Crowley looked up at him locking his gaze with weak red rimmed eyes before he let out a final gasp and was still. Aziraphale knelt down and pressed a hand to Crowley’s chest to make sure his heart had truly stopped. 

“It’s for the best,” Aziraphale said, “I never loved you.” 

Aziraphale woke with a start, “No! No no no. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it!” 

“Angel? Hey Aziraphale, it’s alright, just a dream. Was a dream,” Crowley said flicking on the bedside lamp and pulling Aziraphale to him. Aziraphale sobbed.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” 

“You’re alright angel, it was just a nightmare. We’re alright, we’re safe. I love you,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale continued to sob as the dream stuck in his mind. He clung to Crowley as he let the emotions run through him. Aziraphale started to calm as Crowley started to hum. Aziraphale could feel Crowley’s hand on his back, Aziraphale could hear Crowley’s heart. Crowley was alive and it had all been a nightmare. 

Aziraphale whimpered, “I love you. I love you so much Crowley.” 

“I know angel, oh I know how much you love me. I would never doubt it,” he said. 

“I...in the dream, I told you I didn’t love you, that I never had. You...you died in front of me...I can’t...I don’t know where it even came from. It was horrible!” 

“My poor angel, that sounds bad. Was just a dream though, they don’t always make sense or come from anywhere it seems. I’m here. You’re here. We’re both alright,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale clung to Crowley as the dream started to fade away. It was a dream, just a dream and as horrible as it was it wasn’t real. As the nightmare faded and the adrenaline bled from his body Aziraphale felt tired and slumped further against Crowley. 

“Wanna try to go back to sleep?” Crowley asked.

“Hold me?” 

“Of course angel, just let me get the light yeah?”

Aziraphale clung to Crowley feeling like he had to make up for the cruelty of the dream. He was so glad it had just been in his mind. He couldn’t stand to think of Crowley in so much pain. Crowley started to sing. 

“Oh you’re my best friend…” 

Sleep was difficult the rest of the night but Aziraphale did manage to sleep some. He still felt emotionally drained in the morning.

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better angel?” Crowley asked. 

“I’m starting to feel better,” Aziraphale said, “But I suppose I could use a bit of distraction today.” 

Crowley smiled, “Oh I can do that Angel.” 

Aziraphale laughed, it was working already.


	15. Run don't look back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An encounter in the park turns serious...or maybe not.

Crowley was enjoying lazing on the blanket in the warm sunshine of a nice late spring day. Aziraphale was at his side reading, a picnic basket at his feet. They had eaten all the sandwiches and fruit. The only thing left was a bag of peas to feed to the ducks when they decided to walk back home. 

It was nice.

Winter was never good for Crowley. Even back before when he was a demon winter had never been his favorite season. Now he was cold and tended to get a bit depressed and when spring came and they could be out and warm again Crowley felt much better. 

It seemed like in winter he felt his age more. Sixty five wasn’t old per say but he was getting older. He still felt good for the most part, his knee bothered him from time to time but he was otherwise good. 

Aziraphale was equally as hardy. His shoulders bothered him sometimes and he had trouble eating some fattier foods but again it wasn’t much to complain about. 

“Dear I don’t mean to alarm you but I think we are being surrounded,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley looked up confused at the words not matching Aziraphale’s laughing tone. Crowley looked up to see several ducks and quite a few geese gathering closer and closer to where they were sitting. 

“We’ve been spotted,” Crowley said. 

“I do believe we are in great danger my dear,” Aziraphale said. 

“Whatever will we do, my love,” Crowley said, stretching out. 

“I believe we need to be subtle, not tip off the enemy,” Aziraphale said. 

“I can do that.” 

Aziraphale scoffed, “Can you?” 

“Hey!” 

“Dropping a bomb on a church wasn’t subtle at all my dear,” Aziraphale said. 

“Let’s get this packed up then,” Crowley said. They packed their things trying to ignore the gathering water fowl around them. Crowley took the peas from the basket as he was putting in the wine glasses. At some point they were going to need to distract their enemy and Crowley wanted something to use. 

“Oh no,” Aziraphale said and Crowley looked as they birds were drawing closer and getting more agitated. 

“This is getting dire,” Crowley said, reaching for Aziraphale's hand. 

“My love I fear this could be the end,” Aziraphale said, having to hide his laugh at the end. 

“We won’t give up,” Crowley said. 

Crowley and Aziraphale started walking hand in hand, “Once we get to the pond we’ll use the peas, should give us an out.” 

“How daring,” Aziraphale said. 

But they didn’t make it to the pond. 

“We’re surrounded,” Aziraphale said. The ducks and geese were getting impatient now and running all around them. 

“Oh Aziraphale, my love, I’m going to do something rash,” Crowley said. 

“No we can do this together!” 

“No time, my knee will slow me down,” Crowley said lifting the bag of peas, “Run, don’t look back!” 

Aziraphale took off at a big of a jog as Crowley tore open the bag of peas and throwing them around himself. Aziraphale was out of danger and that was what was important. Crowley made his way through the throng of ducks and geese. Just as he moved past the last one jumped up and caught his arm with its beak and Crowley felt his skin tear. 

“Hurry my love you’re almost out!” Aziraphale called. Aziraphale was laughing when Crowley got to him until he saw the blood on Crowley’s arm. 

“Oh no, you’ve been wounded.” 

Crowley looked at the cut and pretended to swoon, “I don’t know if I can make it.” 

“Come on love, I’ve got you.” 

Crowley and Aziraphale made their way back to the shop giggling and pressing against each other. Once they got to the shop Crowley made his way to the back room couch and did a dramatic faint onto it. 

“I can no more! I’ve lost far too much blood, the fowl have taken me my love!” 

“My poor brave saviour I will remember you always,” Aziraphale leaned forward and kissed Crowley. 

“Oh I die Aziraphale! The rest is silence,” Crowley said going limp on the couch. Aziraphale bent forward letting out a fake sob that sounded quite a bit like a laugh until Crowley couldn’t hold his breath any longer and started laughing with him. 

They laughed for quite some time before Aziraphale took Crowley’s arm and inspected the cut, “We should take care of this. Quoting Hamlet on your deathbed?” 

“Felt appropriate given the circumstances,” Crowley said following Aziraphale into the bathroom. Aziraphale gently washed the cut and added ointment and a plaster. 

“There you are,” Aziraphale said. 

“True love has revived me!” Crowley said and Aziraphale chuckled. They kissed and made their way back downstairs together to continue their day.


	16. Broken Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley finds himself in the hospital once again

Crowley napped on the couch with his legs draped over Azirapahle who was lost in a book. Though Aziraphale claimed that he never nodded off reading Crowley suspected he was close to it and Crowley knew better. Aziraphale napped. 

Crowley had always liked napping. He found he slept a little less at night now but napped more. Older humans tended to fall asleep and nap a lot it seemed and Crowley wasn’t upset about it. It did seem to annoy Aziraphale sometimes; not being able to stay up all night and read had been bugging Aziraphale since they had been made human. 

An alarm sounded from the kitchen and Aziraphale nearly dropped his book, “Oh the pie!” 

Crowley used his legs to pin Aziraphale to the couch. 

“Oh come now dear, if I don’t get up dinner will burn,” Aziraphale said playfully shoving Crowley’s legs away. Crowley let him get up but as Aziraphale passed he grabbed him and pulled him down. 

“Really!”

“Yes really,” Crowley said, “That pie will survive.” He kissed Aziraphale as he squirmed and tried to get away. 

“Let go you silly old thing,” Aziraphale said with a huff.

“You’re just as old as I am,” Crowley said, kissing Aziraphale again.

Aziraphale pulled Crowley up off the couch and Crowley tried to bring him back down. Their feet got tangled during the process and Aziraphale started to topple toward the coffee table. 

Crowley grabbed him to balance which managed to keep Aziraphale from falling but Crowley ended up toppling over instead. 

He fell with his full weight on his left hand, feeling a sharp pain that shot up his arm and made him pull his hand back and caused his forehead to slam against the coffee table. 

Crowley cried out in pain curling in on himself as pain ran up his arm and through his head. He lifted his right hand up to his head and wasn’t surprised to find he was bleeding.

“No! Oh Crowley darling!” 

Crowley’s eyes were shut tight but he could sense Aziraphale kneeling before him. Crowley forced his eyes open and looked at the damage. 

“Fuck…” 

His left hand looked wrong, bone popping up at an odd angle. It hadn’t broken through the skin but it looked like it was close. Aziraphale reached for it and Crowley drew it closer to his chest. He felt sick at the thought of someone touching it. 

“I’ll call for help, we’ll get you sorted darling, I’m so sorry!” 

“Accident, turn the oven off love,” Crowley said. He felt shaky and sick and stayed curled on the floor for a few moments until Aziraphale returned and helped him sit up. 

“Your head is bleeding quite a bit,” Aziraphale said, placing and holding a cloth to Crowley’s head, “I’m so sorry Crowley.” 

“I started it,” Crowley said with a sigh. 

They got him to the emergency room and Crowley wondered if he was particularly unlucky or if most humans spent as much time there as he had. He didn’t think there was any divine or infernal interference and decided he was just unlucky.

His head needed stitches and he was going to need surgery on the wrist but otherwise he wasn’t feeling too bad. 

The only odd thing was that Aziraphale was nowhere to be seen. They usually let him in after a bit didn’t they? He was beginning to worry the Aziraphale had given himself a panic attack or worse over accidentally hurting Crowley and was in trouble. 

Finally a nurse came in. 

“Where is my husband?” Crowley asked.

“In the waiting room, he’ll be let in shortly,” she said sitting down. 

Crowley sighed, “Was worried about him.” 

“And you feel safe with your husband here?” 

Crowley frowned, “Course I do.” 

“We got a report from a passerby that he saw you and your husband fighting just before we were called,” the nurse said. 

“Oh, ah,” Crowley sighed. He supposed it might have looked a bit like a fight from the outside, “No, it’s not...that’s not what happened.”

“You are safe here, if you have anything to tell me.” 

Crowley knew that the nurse was doing her job, that far too many people hit their partners, so he pushed down the spike of anger at the question, “We were playing around, I was trying to keep him on the couch and he was trying to get to the kitchen. We both started to lose our balance and I ended up toppling over.”

“I’m sorry, with injuries like yours we have to ask.” 

“It is unfortunately common isn’t it?” Crowley said, “No Aziraphale has never so much as pinched me in anger and we’ve been together a long time.”

The nurse nodded and made a note in his chart, “I’ll send your husband in so he can see you for a bit before we get you into surgery.”

Crowley could tell that Aziraphale had been crying in the waiting room and he broke out in fresh tears as soon as he walked in. 

“I’m alright love,” Crowley said. 

“I thought something might have happened,” Aziraphale cried. 

Crowley pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back with his good hand. He waited until Aziraphale had calmed down before he told him what had happened. 

“They had to ask me some questions; they see a lot of injuries like this with domestic violence,” Crowley said. Aziraphale paled and put a hand over his mouth. 

“Not to worry love, I told them you have never hurt me. They’re just doing their jobs, it is a common thing as horrible as it is,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale stayed with him until it was time to go to surgery which was a quick and easy fix and before the night was over Crowley was released to recover at home. Aziraphale cradled his bandaged hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

“You don’t need to apologize love, it’ll mend and I’m fine. I was the one who started messing around anyway. I'm sorry for that, and I really didn’t mean to ruin that pie you worked so hard on.” 

“I’m just glad you’re alright. I love you Crowley.” 

“I love you Aziraphale,” Crowley said, giving him a kiss. They snuggled for quite some time as Crowley started to drift to sleep.


	17. Field Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is reminded that even without powers he can do good and save people

Aziraphale was enjoying driving with Crowley. He didn’t ever think he would actually enjoy the driving aspect of it. Crowley as a demon had driven like the devil himself was after him and though his company was always appreciated his driving was certainly not, but as a human Crowley drove more carefully.

Especially now that they were getting older. Crowley was still sharp enough to drive well and Aziraphale hoped he always would be; it would be a hard day for Crowley if he had to give up driving. 

Aziraphale watched the trees and the fields go by content with looking out at the world as they drove. They didn’t have a destination in mind, they had both decided they needed to get out and Crowley seemed content with driving aimlessly. 

“What’s that?” Crowley pondered. Aziraphale looked to the road ahead and saw something, a swiftly moving pink looking shape. There was also smoke coming from a stand of trees just off the road. Crowley started to slow down.

“A child!” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley pulled to a stop and they both leapt from the car. 

“Help, help!” the little girl, maybe seven was pointing toward the smoking trees. Aziraphale looked toward the trees and saw a car that had flipped upside down into the ditch below. 

“Who else is in the car sweetheart?” Crowley asked. 

“Mommy and Sammy,” the girl said through sobs. Aziraphale exchanged a glance with Crowley and then started heading down into the ditch toward the car. He could hear a crying child as he approached. 

The car was smoking and had landed in dry brush. Aziraphale knew he needed to be careful of possible injuries but if the car caught fire things would get worse. 

Aziraphale caught sight of the child first, a young toddler strapped into his car seat. The mother was moving around sluggishly. Good, both were alive. The mother caught sight of Aziraphale. 

“Sara…” 

“She’s up on the road with my husband, he’s calling for help.” 

“Sammy…” 

“I’ll get him out, doesn’t look like he’s hurt dear, just stay calm help is one they way,” Aziraphale said. 

The rear window was broken and Aziraphale was able to shimmy in enough to reach Sammy. 

“Hi Sammy, I’m going to try to get you out.” 

The poor child continued to scream as Aziraphale maneuvered him out of the car seat. He grabbed for Aziraphale though and he was able to get the child out of the car. A quick check revealed a small cut on the child's arm but otherwise the poor dear just seemed upset. 

“I know sweetheart, we’ll get you all sorted,” Azirpahale climbed halfway up the hill and handed Sammy off to Crowley. 

“Need help angel?” 

“Not yet, mother’s awake I think I need to get her out, I don’t like the smoke.” 

“Right, yell if you need help, emergency is on the way,” Crowley said. 

Back at the car the woman was crying trying to keep herself from hanging from her seat. 

“I’m back dear, I’m going to try to help you out. What hurts the most?”

“Legs, head. My babies?” 

“They’re both out. They’re sitting in my car with my husband. Looks like they each have a few scraps but otherwise good. Can we try to get you out, dear?”

The woman nodded. 

Aziraphale was able to get the seatbelt off the woman and start to angle her so he could pull her out the window.

“Crowley! Need help!” 

Crowley scrambled down and helped Aziraphale get the woman up to the side of the road. Crowley grabbed the picnic blanket to lay the woman down. Aziraphale wished desperately that his powers were restored and he could heal the woman. 

Of course he had worked as a medic in more wars than he cared to remember so he went about doing what he could for the poor woman. 

Aziraphale found a clean blanket in the back of the Bentley and tore it into stips to use for make shift bandages. He wrapped a bandage over the worst cut on her forehead which was bleeding freely. One of her legs was broken, the other had a horribly deep cut on the shin which Aziraphale bandaged as gently as he could. 

“What’s your name darling?” Aziraphale asked, taking her hand. 

“Mel,” she said. 

“Mel, pleased to meet you. You’re doing well, your children are right here. Help is on the way,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley held Sammy who had calmed down and was clinging to Crowley who was rocking him gently. Sara was looking at her mother with a frown. 

“Is mommy okay?” 

“She’s hurt, but we’ll get her to the doctors and they’ll make her better,” Aziraphale said.

“I don’t like doctors,” Sara said. 

“They can be scary sometimes but when they’re done mom will feel better,” Aziraphale said. 

“What...what happens to us? While they’re fixing mommy?” Sara said with tears slipping down her face, “Can aunt Rose come get us?”

“We’ll see if we can call her,” Aziraphale said. He made his way back to the car and found the woman’s purse and phone. By the time he got back up to the road he could hear the approaching sirens. 

The medics loaded Mel into the ambulance along with Sara and Sammy. Aziraphale and Crowley followed them to the hospital to stay and help with the kids until their aunt could get there. They stayed with the children as they were checked out and declared healthy and whole. Now they had to wait until their Aunt Rose arrived. Sara had slumped against Aziraphale holding his hand and she kicked her feet. Crowley was still cradling Sammy who had fallen asleep against his chest. 

It was so sweet. Crowley had always been good with children. 

Some time later the door opened and a woman with teary eyes and a kind face entered. 

“Aunty Rose!” Sara jumped up and ran to the woman. 

“Hello dear,” Rose said, “Oh it’s good to see you!” 

“Is mommy better yet?”

Rose smiled, “Still working on her, but she’s doing well.” 

Aziraphale gave a sigh of relief it was good to hear. Rose turned her attention to him. 

“You’re the couple who helped?” 

“Yes, I’m Aziraphale, this is my husband Crowley. We were out for a drive when we saw Sara on the roadside waving down help. We got little Sammy and your sister out of the car and called for help.” 

“Thank you so much, I’m so grateful someone got there quickly. Both of you are angels, thank you,” Rose said wiping tears from her face and giving Aziraphale a hug. 

“I’m glad we could help,” Aziraphale said, “I hope everything goes well with Mel.” 

Rose smiled and nodded. She approached Crowley with a wide smile, “Poor little guy. Thank you Crowley.” 

“Course,” Crowley said, shifting so Rose could take Sammy. Sammy woke a little and looked up at Rose then wrapped his arms around her and snuggled close. Rose gave Crowley a hug. 

Aziraphale gave Rose his phone number asking her to update them on Mel and then he and Crowley headed out to the car. 

“Not how I expected the day to go,” Crowley said. 

“Definitely not. Glad we could help though. I miss helping. Harder to do as a human. Wish I could have done more,” Aziraphale said. 

“Probably saved her life. Being calm bandaging wounds. Lots of other humans would panic.” 

“You did an amazing job with the children. You’re so sweet with them,” Aziraphale said and Crowley blushed. 

“Rose did get it right, at least for one of us, about the angel bit,” Crowley said. 

“You are capable of angelic deeds as well darling and today you did a wonderful job,” Aziraphale said. 

“Thank you Aziraphale,” Crowley said. 

They got home late at night but Aziraphale felt very good about the day. It was nothing like he expected it to be but it had all worked out. It felt good to be able to do good, even if it was one small thing. 

Early the next morning Aziraphale got a message that Mel had been released to heal at home and would likely fully recover, with perhaps a bit of a limp. They’d also been told that the car had been minutes away from catching on fire. If he and Crowley had not been there the two of the three would have likely died in the burning car. 

“Is it bad news angel?” Crowley asked. 

“No, good news Mel’s gone home and the children are still fine. They were told the car nearly caught fire.”

“Oh. Oh they would have…” 

“Yes. We were certainly in the right place at the right time,” Aziraphale said. It was sobering to think they had been the thing that kept that family alive and together. 

“Glad we were there. I can’t...I can’t even...the little boy,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale drew Crowley into a hug, “It’s alright love. We were there. We saved them.” 

Aziraphale didn’t know if it had been dumb luck or if the Almighty had guided them to the accident. Either way he was thankful that they had been there and able to help. It may have been one small deed for Aziraphale and Crowley, but it was everything to the family they had saved.


	18. I can't see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley notices Aziraphale struggling, and Aziraphale misses something rather obvious

Crowley looked at the spread before him and smiled. He’d made crepes and fruit salad and fried some bacon and made tea. It was the morning of Aziraphale’s sixty seventh birthday and Crowley was going all out. 

He was surprised he actually made it out of bed and did all the cooking before Aziraphale woke up. 

Crowley made his way upstairs with the tray moving slowly because he knee was of course deciding to be a pain. 

“Wake up sleepy, I’ve got a present for you!” Crowley called out. Aziraphale mumbled and turned over. Crowley sat down beside him and started rubbing Aziraphale’s shoulder until Aziraphale started to stir. 

“Happy birthday,” Crowley said. 

“Hmm. I’m old aren’t I?” Aziraphale muttered. 

“We both are,” Crowley laughed, “I’ve got you something.” 

Aziraphale opened his eyes and then took a deep breath, “Oh that smells amazing darling.” 

“Sit up, I’ll get you set up.” 

They ate breakfast side by side and snuggled afterwards. Crowley loved it, being close to Aziraphale like this with no worry about anything else. Aziraphale seemed to be mostly happy too. 

There was one thing though; Aziraphale seemed to be getting headaches now and was being stubborn about seeing a doctor about it. Crowley didn’t want to push him too hard but he was worried. 

It was worrying him that Aziraphale also seemed to be reading less. He wasn’t going to bring it up on his birthday but if it continued Crowley felt he had to ask Aziraphale what was going on. 

Three days later Crowley got to a breaking point. 

Aziraphale was rubbing his forehead and frowning, reaching for a book but seemed to be debating whether or not to read. 

“Angel, what is wrong?” Crowley said sitting before him and taking his hand. 

“I can’t see!” Aziraphale snapped.

“At all?” Crowley felt his heart leap in his throat wondering whether Aziraphale was having a stroke. 

“No I can see you but I can’t see to read! And when I do my head hurts and I really don’t like it!” 

“Of course you don’t. Angel if you’re getting headaches when you read you might need glasses love.” 

Aziraphale looked at him and then moaned putting his head in his hands, “I’m so stupid.” 

Crowley shook his head, “You are not stupid love.” 

“I feel like I am. Of course I might need glasses, my eyes are getting old! I should have thought of that!” 

“Well now we have so let’s do something about it yeah? You can try just regular reading glasses or we can get you to an optometrist and see,” Crowley said. 

“Yes, yes that sounds like a good idea,” Aziraphale said. Crowley took Aziraphale out to the nearest pharmacy to get a basic pair of reading glasses then made an appointment to see if they could get him reading any better. 

“I love you so much darling,” Aziraphale said. 

“I love you too angel,” Crowley said. He loved making Aziraphale happy, he loved being able to do something about a problem. But they were getting older and he knew that there would come a time where there would be something he couldn’t fix. 

He hated thinking of it but it would happen. Either Aziraphale would have something happen to him or Crowley would to the point that Aziraphale would have to take care of him. But he loved Aziraphale and wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else. 

Crowley would be by his side as long as he could.


	19. Sleep Deprivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old problem pops up again, along with a new one that might not be as simple as it seems

Aziraphale still couldn’t believe that he had been so foolish as to not realize he needed reading glasses. Now that he had them he was staying up later than usual so he could get more reading in again. It was a bit of a bad habit he knew but he couldn’t help it. He had been struggling for longer than he admitted and it was just so nice to indulge. 

It didn’t help that he was alone more often recently. 

Crowley was off helping at the florist; the owner of the shop had died suddenly and left the place in a bit of a pickle and Crowley wanted to help out. The daughter and new owner was understandably a mess and having trouble figuring out how to run the shop and Crowley spent a lot of late nights helping out. It warmed Aziraphale’s heart. He loved to see Crowley doing good, always had. He knew Crowley liked it. 

Aziraphale wondered, truly wondered, if when they both died if Heaven and Hell would keep their end of the bargain and let them be free. He hoped they would. But no matter what happened he would enjoy this time he had with Crowley. 

When he came home of course. 

It was two in the morning before Crowey came home and Aziraphale was still up reading and read even longer after Crowley had gone to bed. 

It wasn’t long before Aziraphale had his first almost all night reading session. 

And then another.

And another. 

He didn’t need much sleep, it wasn’t like he was doing much anyway. He wanted to read. He didn’t really think it was a problem. 

Until it was. 

Crowley came home late in the evening and flopped down on the couch beside him. 

“Now you made me lose my spot!” Aziraphale snapped. Crowley made some sort of unintelligible noise and Aziraphal sighed, “I don’t like it when you do that.” 

“Sorry, didn’t mean it,” Crowley said, shuffling further away. Aziraphale heard a sniffling noise and looked over to see Crowley wiping a tear away.

“Oh...Oh no. I’m. I’m so sorry love. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m doing it again,” Aziraphale huffed, “I’m not sleeping. Damn it all.” 

“Can help you with that. Just thought you were having fun. Sorry, didn’t realize you were having problems again. I’ll help you angel, you know I will.” 

“Yes I...I’ll get to bed tonight. Regular time.” 

Aziraphale went to bed the same time that Crowley did and he fell asleep wrapped in Crowley’s arms. 

It was good for a couple of days then Crowley was gone at night again and Aziraphale couldn’t help but stay up late. He had tried to go to bed but he just couldn’t. Then when Crowley came home he...he just didn’t go with him. 

By morning he was grumpy and annoyed and it seemed like Crowley was making much too much noise. 

That night they both made the effort to sleep together again and it worked. 

But then Crowley was gone the next night and Aziraphale couldn’t help but stay up. He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop. 

“Do I need to be home at night, for a long time, to make this work. You always look so tired and sick when you don’t sleep love,” Crowley said. 

“I don’t want you to stop going out and helping. I know you like something to do,” Aziraphale said. 

“I do, but it’s not worth seeing you struggle so much,” Crowley said. 

“Maybe...Oh it would be good I suppose. I don’t know why I do this, why it goes away for a long time and then comes back. I wish I knew,” Aziraphale said. 

“I know love. I don’t know either. Human brains are weird. Mine is too you know that,” Crowley said. 

“I know,” Aziraphale said. 

“I’ll be home. I’ll be home so you can sleep. Get your mind used to it again. Is there anything else I can do?”

“Not that I can think of,” Aziraphale said. 

It worked. It worked for quite some time for several months. Crowley made sure he was home on time for them to sleep and Aziraphale started to get back into the habit of sleeping regularly again. 

Crowley was out one night, helping the florist again and as it got later Aziraphale got more nervous about him being home on time to go to sleep. The phone rang an hour or so before bedtime and Aziraphale answered it. 

“I’m so sorry angel, I’m going to be a little late, got a flat,” Crowley said. 

“Are you alright dear?” 

“Yeah, course, just getting the Bentley squared away and I’ll be home.” 

Aziraphale waited for Crowley but as the minutes passed he got more and more worried. It was taking longer than he thought for Crowley to get home. Then at last three hours after he was due home Crowley sauntered through the door. 

“I’m so sorry angel, harder to change a tyre that old in the dark,” Crowley said, “I’m gonna hop in the shower real quick.” 

Crowley did and came to bed whispering that he was sorry again. It wasn’t enough to disturb his sleep Aziraphale thought he was just glad Crowley got home alright. 

The next morning Crowley went out with the intent of bringing a surprise breakfast home and Aziraphale was very curious as to what it might be. There was a knock at the shop and Aziraphale opened the door to find an envelope. He frowned and opened it. 

Aziraphale gasped. 

Inside were pictures. Pictures of Crowley in the florist shop kissing the owner. Shoving her against the wall. His hands all over her chest. Aziraphale’s hands were shaking as he tried to make sense of what he was holding. 

Crowley came back into the shop holding several bags and two drink cups with a smile on his face. 

“Angel? Angel what’s wrong?” 

“I think we have a problem, love,” Aziraphale said.


	20. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about the photo's comes out, and a bigger problem arrives

Demons were incapable of love. It was as simple as that. At least in Hastur’s mind. Love was icky and disgusting in all the wrong ways and it was best to be avoided at all costs. To think that a demon would claim to love anything was unthinkable. Oh Hastur liked things. He liked killing and a job well done and he liked to torture small creatures and generally enjoyed the nastiness of being a Duke of Hell, but he didn’t love. That was ripped from him in the Fall. It was ripped from all of them. 

Crowley had always been a freak though hadn’t he? He enjoyed humans and human things far too much and spent too much time out in the physical plane. It was wrong, but as long as he was doing an adequate job there wasn’t much that could be done. 

Come to find out that the freak was not only friends with another creature he was in love with it. An angel! A demon claiming to be in love with an angel. 

It was wrong and it couldn’t be true. Hastur had thought that a few years of being human would make Crowley realize that he was an idiot. 

But no. Here Crowley was happy as could be with the angel like there was nothing wrong with it. Heaven had nearly the same idea, according to Lord Beelzebub, that what Crowley and the angel thought was love was a fleeting false thing, that it would be easy to destroy and win back their operatives. 

Hastur didn’t know and didn’t care what Heaven would do with the angel, destroy it or lock it up, it didn’t matter. But Crowley? Oh Hell had such plans for Crowley when he fell out of love with the angel. Hastur himself had volunteered to help torture Crowley and was planning on being there at the execution. It was going to be fun. 

But. 

And there was a big but. Somehow the two...idiots...were still in love. Every day that they still loved each other was a day Hastur couldn’t torture Crowley and he was getting impatient. Lord Beelzebub was too. 

“I think we have to take matterzz into our own handzzzzz,” Beelzebub said. And Hastur agreed. So he went up to earth and he watched in disguise and disgust as Crowley betrayed everything there was to being a demon and lavished the angel with love. 

Hastur was going to have to do something and he started to think of a plan. Humans had a penchant for cheating on the ones they loved and it would be oh so easy to set Crowley up and watch them fall apart and then, oh then the torture could begin! 

Hastur watched as the angel opened the envelope and looked at the pictures. The demon smiled as Crowley walked in and waited. Waited for screaming and heartbreak and betrayal and then the real fun could begin. 

Crowley knew there was something wrong the instant he entered the bookshop. Aziraphale was beyond pale and shaking slightly looking down at what looked like some sort of photos.

“Angel? Angel what’s wrong?” 

“I think we have a problem, love,” he said, handing Crowley the pictures. Crowley took them and looked. There were five in total, all showed Crowley and the florist…

“No…” 

They weren’t real. Crowley would never, he risked a quick look up at Aziraphale’s serious face then back at the photos, “What the hell.” 

“Yes that would be my guess,” Aziraphale said. 

“What... Oh!” 

“I would imagine both sides are rather angry we haven’t split up yet and we are nearing our twilight years. This is the sort of thing a demon would do,” Aziraphale said. 

“Might do more. Oh angel this is dangerous,” Crowley said, “Once they realize this hasn’t worked they’re going to try again and it won’t be subtle.” 

“I know,” Aziraphale said. Crowley pulled Aziraphale into a hug and kissed him. 

“I would never cheat on you, you know that? You are everything I could want in a partner and more.” 

“I never believed these for an instant. I saw them for what they were immediately,” Aziraphale said, “I know you would never betray me.” 

Crowley sighed in relief, “Now, what are we going to do. Can’t run, they’ll just follow. Don’t know how much time we have.” 

“What can we do?” Aziraphale said, “We don’t have powers.” 

“No,” Crowley said, “I don’t know.” 

“What do you think they’ll do?” Aziraphale asked. 

“Probably try to kill one of us, drive the other to suicide? I don’t know,” Crowley said, “Wait! Might have a weapon. Do you have any Holy Water?” 

“Crowley not this again...but yes.” 

“Well if they get too close,” Crowley said. 

“I...are you immune to it now? I couldn’t....couldn’t get it anywhere near you,” Azirapahle sighed. 

“I don’t know honestly but if we are fully human I’d say I’m immune.” 

“But you don’t know for sure?” 

“No. I don’t know for certain, angel.” 

“Oh,” Aziraphale said, picking at the hem of his sleeve, “I don’t like it.” 

“I don’t either but...might have to use it. Until we think of something better.” 

“Do we have time?” Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley shrugged. 

Hastur watched and got angrier with every moment. They should be yelling and screaming at each other. He had rather hoped there would be hitting and punching involved. If it was really good there might be a lot of blood. But that wasn’t what was happening. They somehow looked even more in love. 

Hastur was half tempted to light the whole bookshop on fire and be done with it. But then he would fail and they would win and he couldn’t have that. He had to make sure that they failed. He watched the angel and the demon talk and then there was an opening when the angel left. Hastur went for the bookshop. 

Crowley watched Aziraphale go upstairs for the Holy Water and sighed. This was about to get serious and he only hoped that they would have enough time to come up with a better plan. He didn’t know at all if he was immune to Holy Water in this form and didn’t want to have to use it if it could be avoided. 

He didn’t want to die that way in front of Aziraphale.

“Think Crowley, something different,” he said. 

The bookshop door opened behind him and he turned to shoo the customer away, “We...Ngk!” 

There in the doorway was none other than Duke Hastur. Crowley was frozen. No, this was too soon, no!

“Aziraphale!” he called out. 

“Hello Crowley,” Hastur said, “your angel won’t get here in time to save you. No one will. It’s over.” 

Crowley swallowed hard, “Ngk...you won’t win either. He’ll never kill himself even if you kill me. I won’t either.” 

“I’m not leaving that to chance,” Hastur said, “You’re going to kill yourself Crowley. So tragic.” 

“Fat chance Hastur,” Crowley said backing up as Hastur took a step closer. 

“Well I mean it’ll be your body doing it of course, I’m just going to help,” Hastur said. 

Crowley’s eyes widened as he realized what Hastur was planning and not knowing what else to do in the moment he turned to run. He felt Hastur’s essence enter him, it was like being crushed and suffocated all at the same time and all at once Crowley had no control over his body. 

Possession. 

Hastur was possessing his very human body. Crowley fought the control but he felt like he was being pushed further and further into a cave. With a final burst of demonic energy Hastur completed pushing and Crowley felt all was lost. 

Crowley could still see but he had no control over his body. There was a noise from the right and Hastur looked up and Aziraphale was standing there. 

Crowley screamed, but no sound came out.


	21. Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale has to make a difficult choice

Aziraphale had never completely gotten over the fear of Crowley coming in contact with Holy Water. The night he had given Crowley a thermos of Holy Water he had come home and he had cried for hours. He didn’t want Crowley to be in danger because of him but couldn’t abandon his best friend either. 

They didn’t know if Crowley would still be affected by the Holy Water and Aziraphale planned to treat it as if it would and keep it away from Crowley if he could. 

He heard the bell ding and then things got...funny. Aziraphale couldn’t identify the feeling. Something just felt very, very wrong. He quickly pocketed the Holy Water and headed back to Crowley. 

When he looked down from the top of the stairs he knew something was wrong. The being standing there looked like Crowley but he could tell the very instant he set eyes on him that it wasn’t Crowley. 

Possession. 

Aziraphale swallowed. He was going to be very careful about what he did next, once he figured out what that was going to be. He had the Holy Water which would expel and destroy the demon but he still wasn’t sure what it would do to Crowley. 

The stairs creaked under his feet and Crowley’s body looked up at him. 

“Aziraphale?”

“Sorry, just thinking,” he said. Think. Think, he had to think! The love of his life was possessed by a demon!

“So what’s the plan?” Not Crowley asked. 

“Well, I think...I think we might be able to ward the bookshop against demons. Now it won’t be easy of course as humans but we might make a go of it,” Aziraphale said. 

“What do I need to do?”

“Let’s see, I need the book of course, you know the one to get love…” 

“Yes,” Not Crowley said, much too quickly.

Aziraphale knew vaguely how to get rid of a demon without using Holy Water but he needed to grab a few supplies and hoped Not Crowley would go to try to find the book so Aziraphale would have a chance to get everything ready to go by the time Not Crowley got back.

Aziraphale grabbed chalk and candles from the kitchen drawer, he came out into the sitting room and lit one of the candles. 

“Well, what have we here?”

Aziraphale jumped and spun to see Not Crowley standing there.

“I…” 

“So you know then. Trying to get rid of me?”

“Yes I rather think I am,” Aziraphale said, “You have no right to be in that body.”

Not Crowley lifted his hand and Aziraphale was pushed back onto the couch. The still lit candle dropped from his hand rolling under a bookshelf. Aziraphale pushed himself off the couch, or rather tried to push himself off the couch and found that he was stuck.

“I think you’ll enjoy watching this,” Not Crowley sneered. The demon inside Crowley’s body snapped and there was a knife in Crowley’s hand. 

“No!” Aziraphale struggled trying to break free from the demonic influence holding him in place.

“How should I do it? Make him slit his own throat?” The demon mocked dragging the knife across Crowley’s throat, “Stab to the heart?” The demon placed the tip of the knife over Crowley’s heart. “I rather think I could eviscerate him as well.”

“No, don’t…” Aziraphale fought and fought but he was stuck still and couldn’t move and couldn't reach for the Holy Water. He should have just done it right away, he shouldn’t have waited.

“Throat I think,” Not Crowley said, “See how far the blood sprays.” 

“Crowley!”

Not Crowley lifted the knife and it was almost touching Crowley’s throat when he stopped and frowned.

“Fight him Crowley! You can do it love!” Aziraphale said struggling against the hold on him as well. Maybe if they both fought hard enough it would work. Not Crowley was straining to move the knife and Aziraphale thought he could feel the hold on him lifting.

“Fight my love!” Aziraphale yelled.

There was a strange pulse of power and suddenly Aziraphale was free. Not Crowley renewed his struggle with the knife and it touched Crowley’s pale throat. 

“I’m sorry!” Aziraphale said, opening the Holy Water bottle and throwing it on Crowley. 

For a moment everything was still and silent. 

Then Crowley started to scream. 

“Oh God!” Aziraphale froze. 

Crowley scrambled back and continued to scream in agony. Aziraphale scrambled toward him. Just as Aziraphale reached the writhing Crowley the essence of the demon within erupted from Crowley’s body and Aziraphale was slammed against the nearest bookshelf. 

Aziraphale’s head was swimming and his vision was blurry. He tried to take a deep breath to clear his head but coughed as he inhaled smoke. 

Smoke?

Aziraphale looked to his right, the candle had come in contact with a book and fire was quickly spreading. 

“No…” 

Aziraphale was going to pass out. The bookshop was burning and he had just thrown Holy Water on Crowley. 

Crowley lay in a heap on the floor, back to Aziraphale. He tried to see if Crowley was breathing praying for at least a sign that he had not killed his love. Crowley wasn’t moving and it didn’t look like he was breathing.

“Crowley…” Aziraphale tried to push off from the bookshelf, but his vision dimmed further and the world was swimming and burning around him. This was it. He was going to die and he could only hope that Crowley was alright.


	22. Burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Aziraphale and Crowley make it out of the burning bookshop in time? Or is this it?

Crowley felt like he was burning. The Holy Water hit him and it was sudden instant pain. Agony, pure agony. He screamed and he burned. Then he felt Hastur leave his body, he didn’t know if the Duke had been destroyed or not but there wasn’t much time to think of anything because darkness surrounded him and he passed out. 

He woke, he didn’t know how much later, with the smell of smoke in his nostrils and the feel of burning heat all around him. 

Crowley was in hell. He had to be.

Something crashed nearby and Crowley’s eyes snapped open. There was fire and smoke all around him but he wasn’t in hell. He was in the bookshop and the bookshop was burning. 

“Angel!” Crowley eased himself up on his knees. He felt sore all over like someone had beaten him over every inch of his body. He coughed violently. He needed to get out of the shop but he was not going to leave with Aziraphale. 

“Angel where are you! I can’t find you!” Crowley called out. The fire was consuming most of the shop, the smoke thick and choking. Crowley tried to stay close to the floor hoping to get enough air to breathe. Crowley saw a flash of white through the smoke and went toward it. Aziraphale was slumped against a burning bookshelf, his coat on fire. 

“Oh Sa...G...someone,” Crowley pulled Aziraphale away from the fire smothering the flame as best he could. Crowley’s head spun as he coughed. He had to get them out. 

Crowley started to drag Aziraphale toward the door. His heart was pounding and his chest was getting tight. He couldn’t get enough air and he could barely see where he was going.

“Please,” he thought, “Please let me get him out before my body gives out.” 

Crowley collapsed to the floor as he coughed violently. He had to slow down, his head was starting to swim. He pulled Aziraphale forward, pausing trying to get some air, coughing and feeling like his heart was going to explode. 

Everything was spinning and Crowley was going to pass out. 

With a last burst of energy he grabbed Aziraphale and went for the door. They made it to the door and Crowley found himself surrounded by helpful bystanders as they fell out from the shop.

Crowley still couldn’t breathe, his chest still tight with pain, and his eyes stung too much to keep open long. There were medics there, thank Someone, and two of them were giving Aziraphale CPR.

“Hold on Angel,” Crowley thought, “Please hold on.” 

This was bad, very bad. He didn’t know if Aziraphale would make it and the thought made him want to just go away. He watched as they loaded Aziraphale into the ambulance and drove off. 

There was more movement around him as medics surrounded him. He may have been out of the fire but Crowley wondered about the possibility that he might die from this. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop coughing, and it didn’t seem like his heart was slowing down. 

He tried to stay calm, tried not to let his worry over Aziraphale send him into panic that might send him over the edge and kill him. It was difficult. 

The medics loaded him in the second ambulance with an oxygen mask over his face and electrodes on his chest. He tried to look at the monitor even though he didn’t really know what all the numbers and tracings meant. 

Was he dying? Was Aziraphale? Would he know? Would he know if Aziraphale died, would he somehow feel it?

One of the medics squeezed his hand, “Hey Mr. Crowley you’re doing alright just try to take good deep breaths and cough when you feel like you need to, can you do that?” 

Crowley nodded. He felt like crying. 

Breathe, he just needed to breathe. Concentrate on that. He was no good to Aziraphale if he panicked himself into a heart attack. Breathe. Just Breathe. He coughed and gagged and just tried to keep breathing. It hurt. It hurt and he felt like he wasn’t getting enough air.

“I know it feels nasty but you’re doing great Mr. Crowley, we’re almost there,” the medic said, giving his hand a squeeze. 

Once at the hospital things went fast. There were doctors and nurses around him examining him and looking over the numbers; listening to his heart and lungs. 

“Can you speak at all Mr. Crowley.” 

“Yeah, throats a little tight,” he managed. 

“Good,” a Doctor said.

They put an IV line in his left arm and a nurse was there at all times watching the numbers on the monitor. He was given a nebulizer treatment of some sort, more medicine pushed through the IV. 

Breathe. Just Breathe. 

He was there for some time when a young doctor came back in. 

“How are you feeling Mr. Crowley?” 

“Little better, chest still tight. Sleepy. More worried about my husband,” Crowley said. 

“We’re going to keep you here at least overnight, you’re doing well with no sign of burns in your airway. Your heart is doing good, the chest pain is because of the smoke inhalation. You can sleep if you feel the need to we’re watching over you. As for Mr. Fell…” 

Crowley took a deep breath.

“Your husband’s injuries are more severe…” 

“But he’s alive?” Crowley couldn’t help but interrupt. 

“He is alive. He’s got bad burns on his arm, shoulder, and back and burns in his airway. We have him on a ventilator to breathe. As soon as we better stabilize him he’ll be moved to our burn unit.” 

“When can I see him?” Crowley asked. 

“We’ll get you to see him before he goes to the burn unit. We’re taking good care of your husband Mr. Crowley, and you. Now try to get some rest.” 

“Thank you,” Crowley said and sighed. Aziraphale was alive. Badly hurt but still alive. It felt like a weight was lifted off Crowley’s shoulders and he realized how exhausted he was. Aziraphale was in the best place he could be and so was Crowley, there was nothing more to do but hope. 

And sleep.

Crowley drifted off thinking of Aziraphale. He woke some time later to a nurse drawing blood. 

“Sorry Mr. Crowley I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said. 

“Sss okay. Any news on my husband?” Crowley asked. 

“I think they’re getting ready to move him to the burn unit soon, I’ll check, can I do anything else for you?” 

“Thirsty,” Crowley said. 

Not long after the nurse left a doctor came in and took a look at his throat and watched to make sure Crowley could swallow without choking. Crowley appreciated the cool water and thought he might sleep some more when another doctor popped in. 

“We’re moving Mr. Fell,” he said. 

“Alright, let’s get you in a wheelchair Mr. Crowley and you can see your husband.” 

Crowley felt stiff and tired and short of breath as he moved but he would run to see Aziraphale if he had to. 

“Oh angel,” Crowley felt his heart breaking at the sight of Aziraphale. His right shoulder was heavily bandaged and he had a tube down his throat helping him breathe. He was pale and still and it was frightening. 

“Hey angel, I’m here. We’re in hospital and they’re taking good care of you. I’m alright. You just concentrate on getting better yeah?” Crowley squeezed Aziraphale’s hand and leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead, “I love you angel.” 

Crowley wished he could stay with Aziraphale but it was good to see him alive and being well taken care of. He didn’t know if Aziraphale knew he was there but he hoped so. He really hoped so. Back in his own bed he realized the last Aziraphale had probably seen was Crowley screaming after having Holy Water thrown at him. 

Aziraphale didn’t know Crowley was alive. It broke Crowley’s heart and made him anxious but in the end he was too tired and fell asleep. 

Morning brought bad news, the bookshop was a total loss. The fire inspector interviewed Crowley. He remembered the candle Aziraphale had had and ran with that. 

“We had candles lit downstairs, went upstairs and got distracted. We thought...thought we could get out. I think we both passed out? I came too and got us out,” Crowley said. It was as close to the truth as he could get. It seemed to satisfy the inspector. Crowley didn’t know what he was going to do. He was going to be released the next day and he had nowhere to go. Oh it was going to break Aziraphale’s heart! 

Crowley started to cry. All the angel’s books were gone and he didn’t think for one instant that it would be restored when it was all over. 

“Oh, Mr. Crowley, poor dear,” a nurse said bustling in and reaching for tissues. 

“Sorry,” Crowley said.

“Don’t be, it’s alright sweetheart. Here a friend of yours dropped this off. We can only let family in, I'm afraid,” she said, setting a vase of flowers on his side table and handing Crowley the card. 

Crowley knew who they were from instantly, the flowers were a dead giveaway. He opened the card. It was from Cherry, the florist, and her wife. They had seen the news of the bookshop fire. She...she was offering help and a place to stay. The flat above the florist shop was empty. 

It made Crowley cry harder. 

Aziraphale was still under sedation when Crowley was released from hospital with Cherry waiting for him to take him to get the Bentley and to show him the flat. It was small but it would do, it was better than being homeless. 

“You helped me so much when papa died Crowley. You can stay here as long as you need,” Cherry said. 

“Thank you so much. I appreciate it. We do,” Crowley said. 

“I hope your angel gets better soon,” she gave Crowley a hug.

Crowley sat at the center of the little flat, his head in his hands. It was so much. It was too much. So many things he had to do. Things he needed, insurance to haggle with, going back and forth to the hospital. 

So much. 

“I can do this,” Crowley told himself, “I can do this.” He had to stay brave for Aziraphale. His angel would need him. Crowley couldn’t sleep well the first night in the flat. Nothing was right, everything was wrong and Aziraphale wasn’t there. 

Crowley was at the hospital first thing in the morning. Aziraphale had done well overnight, his condition was stable. The doctors were optimistic. 

In the afternoon Crowley started getting down to business. He had to argue with the insurance, he had to get himself more clothing and personal items, and he wanted everything ready for Aziraphale when he came home as well. Crowley picked up a couple of books and began to read to Aziraphale when he was there. 

He sang too.

“You’re the best friend that I ever had. I’ve been with you such a long time. You’re my sunshine.” 

Crowley hoped that Aziraphale knew he was there, knew that Crowley was alright. Things seemed to be going slow, but it looked like they were going the right way. Aziraphale was healing, he was strong. 

Crowley was being as strong as he could, but there were many nights when it all caught up with him and he cried himself to sleep. Crowley clung to the hope that it wouldn’t be too long before Aziraphale was home with him.


	23. Don't Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is recovering and he and Crowley come up with a new plan

Aziraphale came back slowly. He was alive, that much was certain, and he hurt. He also felt like he was in some sort of fog and didn’t know how to get out of it. But he was safe. And even better he heard Crowley’s voice. It wasn’t constant but it was there and Aziraphale was certain that Crowley was really there and that he was alive. 

Aziraphale woke feeling real for the first time in a long time to see Crowley at his bedside.

“Angel?”

It was good to see Crowley. Crowley took his hand and kissed him looking like he was going to cry. 

“Crowley, my love.” 

“It’s good to see you awake love. How are you feeling?”

“Shoulder hurts, throats sore,” Aziraphale said. Crowley helped him drink and let the nurse know that Aziraphale was awake. Aziraphale was glad to be safe and alive with Crowley at his side and that joy covered the nagging feeling in the back of his mind. 

For a short time. He wished he could let the feeling go but he was beginning to remember how he had gotten hurt in the first place.

“Crowley...the fire?” 

Crowley’s face fell, “I’m sorry angel, it...it’s gone.” 

“A...all of it?” 

Crowley nodded, swallowing hard. Aziraphale felt numb. He thought he might want to cry but it just...it couldn’t be real could it? But Crowley wouldn’t lie to him. Aziraphale frowned. 

“How did we even get out? I... oh God I threw Holy Water on you…” 

“Holy Water took care of Hastur, once he was gone I passed out. Woke and...everything was burning. You were...I pulled you out of the shop. Medics were there.” 

“Oh my brave sweet darling,” Aziraphale said. 

“Mm sorry. Couldn’t save anything else, couldn’t go back in. Couldn’t breathe…” 

“Are you alright now, my love?” 

Crowley nodded. 

“Oh! Where are you staying if…” 

“Flat above the florists was open. They saw the fire on the news. We can stay there as long as we need,” Crowley said. 

“There will be so much to do,” Aziraphale said. He was so overwhelmed he didn’t even know where to start and he didn’t know how long he was going to be in the hospital or even how long he had already been there. What were he and Crowley going to do?

“Hey, we’ll get there angel. I can see how worried you are. I’ve already done paperwork and calls, benefit of being married,” Crowley said, “Got you some clothes for when you can come home, toiletries and the like.” 

“When do I get to come home?” 

“Not sure, let’s see what the doctor says.” 

Aziraphale was glad that he had been unconscious and sedated thus far in the whole thing because he didn’t like being poked and prodded and looked at and the burn on his shoulder and back was terribly itchy. 

“Burns are healing really well, helps that you’re very healthy for your age Mr. Fell. Your husband tells me you have a place to live and I’m sure he’ll be there to help with wound care, he’s been by your side every day without fail,” the doctor said. 

Crowley ducked his head and blushed.

“We’ll get you a little bit stronger, a couple days more and we should be able to get you home.” 

“Wish it could be sooner,” Aziraphale said, “But you’re the expert.” 

Aziraphale wasn’t sure how he should be feeling. On the one hand he was thankful to be alive and not too badly hurt, and Crowley was alive and well. The Holy Water had not harmed him and he had made it through the fire. And he had been doing paperwork and phone calls and all the annoying things to be done all while being at his side as often as he could. There was a lot there to be thankful for. 

But his shop. Gone. Hundreds of years of collections and memories gone. He didn’t know if it would be restored but he doubted it. 

“I’m sorry angel. I know it hurts,” Crowley said. 

“It does. There was so much lost. But the most important thing is still here right in front of me,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley kissed him, “I am so thankful you’re recovering.” 

“I am glad you’re here with me. Oh what are we going to do?” 

“I don’t know. We have a place to live for now. There was insurance on the shop. We’ll have money to start over however we decide.” 

Aziraphale nodded, “I’m tired already.” 

“That’s okay. I’ll let you rest see about getting you something to eat when you wake up again,” Crowley said. 

“Thank you dear.” 

It turned out to be exactly two days later when Aziraphale was released. Crowley had been learning how to take care of Aziraphale’s burns and bandage them correctly. Aziraphale would have to come in weekly for checks, but oh he wanted to go home. 

Of course home wasn’t the home he was used to but it was better than being in hospital and Crowley was there and that was good. 

Crowley helped him inside and turned the lights on in the small flat. 

“Home sweet home, for now,” Crowley said, “I know it’s not much angel but we’re safe here.” 

“It’s lovely Crowley,” Aziraphale said. 

A few days passed with Crowley taking good care of him making sure he was up on his medications and helping him when his shoulder was hurting. On the third morning the bandages needed changing. 

Aziraphale turned to try to see. 

“Don’t look angel,” Crowley said. 

“I would like to see dear,” Aziraphale said. Crowley positioned a mirror so Aziraphale could see. He gasped slightly at the look of his burned shoulder and back. He looked away. 

“Crowley?” 

“Yes love?”

“I...I need to see the shop,” Aziraphale said, “Or rather what’s left of it.” 

Crowley sighed, “I know. I’ll take you there.” 

“Crowley?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not mad at you for anything, love. This is not your fault. I am terribly sad about the whole thing of course I won’t pretend I’m not, but I am not upset with you. I just...I know you must be tired too and that’s alright but I just...you must know…” 

“I know love, I do. Yeah, I’m tired and that was my home too, but yes I understand you want to see.” 

“For closure,” Aziraphale said. 

It was worse than he thought it would be. Most of the building was still standing; the walls at least. The roof had collapsed at some point. He could barely recognize the insides. The remains looked like a soupy black mess. He had hoped that there might be a book or two he could run in and grab but no. Nothing. It was all destroyed. 

“Oh…” 

“I’m sorry angel.” 

“I think I need to go home,” Aziraphale said. He was home though, the bookshop he should be going inside and making a cup of cocoa or tea and sitting on the couch with Crowley. He shouldn’t be going away from the bookshop to go home. 

Aziraphale cried the entire way back and was still crying when they got back to the flat. They ended up in bed and Crowley wrapped his arms around him and simply held him while he cried. 

“I’m here love, I’m here,” Crowley whispered. 

After some time Aziraphale stopped crying and pulled back to look at Crowley, “What happens next?”

“Kinda was thinking. Maybe we should get a little place in the countryside? Somewhere to garden, just nice and quiet,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale thought about it. It wasn’t a bad idea at all. London was getting to be a bit much and Crowley had been having trouble with the stairs in the shop and a nice single level home would be good for that as they both started to get older. Aziraphale was picturing having a picnic in his own backyard. Crowley could have a garden, Aziraphale could...he could collect more books.

“I think that’s a good idea, love,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley smiled, “Really?” 

“Yes,” Aziraphale said, “I’m picturing us sitting in a garden out on a picnic blanket.” 

“That sounds nice,” Crowley said, “We’ll be alright angel. Won’t we.” 

“Of course my love, we’re still together, we’ll be alright.” 

Aziraphale believed it. He had lost something dear to him but he still had Crowley. Crowley who had been such a dear taking care of him and had saved his life. It most likely wouldn’t be easy and the pain of the fire was still with him, but Aziraphale felt hopeful about the future.


	24. Memory Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley find a new home and for a few years everything is perfect. Then Aziraphale starts having problems.

It took three months for Crowley and Aziraphale to find a house that suited them, but once they had they were completely satisfied. They ended up near Devil’s Dyke in a little single level cottage with a nice yard. It was close enough to shops and medical facilities that they felt safe as they were getting older, but there were no neighbors close enough to be annoying. 

Crowley had taken one look at the messy unkempt yard and felt better than he had in months. He could picture several possibilities for gardens and had spent most of the viewing outside in the yard. Aziraphale had been transfixed by the built in bookshelves that lined two of the living room walls. It was perfect for them. 

Now five years later the garden was immaculate and the bookshelves were overflowing. And they were happy. So, so happy.

At the back of Crowley’s mind was the fact that he had just turned seventy two, and though he still felt quite good he was obviously getting older. His knee bothered him as did the wrist he broke years ago. He tired quicker when he was working in the garden. He napped a lot. Sometimes he forgot what he was doing, or forgot something in the past. 

Aziraphale was having problems with his memory too and it took Crowley a little while to realize that it was becoming more of a pronounced problem.

It started with Aziraphale forgetting what he was doing and having to retrace his steps more often than not. He also started to make multiple cups of tea and forgot about the ones he had. Crowley realized it was a problem when he watched Aziraphale make two cups of tea back to back standing in the same spot.

“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale said when Crowley pointed it out, “I just don’t...I don’t know what my brain is doing.” 

“It’s alright Aziraphale, I’m not angry about it or anything just worried.” 

“I’m worried too,” Aziraphale said. 

“Maybe we should see a doctor about it? See if we can do anything?” 

“I don’t know. I think I’m just getting old Crowley.”

“Memory loss is a thing but it might be something more.” 

“I don’t like this and I don’t like talking about it,” Aziraphale said. Crowley thought they should talk about it more but let it go. Aziraphale seemed to be more embarrassed over it than anything. 

Two days later though Aziraphale elaborated. 

“Maybe I should see someone. I’m...forgetting a lot. Not just whether or not I’ve made tea but little details of my past,” Aziraphale said, “And I’m having headaches too.” 

“Aziraphale, love, you need to see someone,” Crowley said. Doing his own research Crowley wondered if it was going to be something like Alzhiemers or dementia or something like that. It could be but he didn’t know. 

It turned out to be worse. 

A brain tumor. 

Aziraphale had sobbed that evening when they got home as they waited to learn whether or not it was cancer or if anything could be done. Crowley held Aziraphale and sang to him until he had calmed down.

Crowley was terrified. He knew, oh he knew there was a chance that Aziraphale would go first, that Aziraphale would get sick and decline. He had hoped it would have gone the other way around but he was not in control of the situation. Whatever would happen would happen and all he could do was be there for Aziraphale. 

When the phone rang two days later Crowley’s heart was in his throat as Aziraphale talked with the doctor. 

“It’s not cancerous,” Aziraphale said, “Thank God, but they still want to try to remove it.” 

Crowley swallowed hard, “Not all bad news then.” 

“No,” Aziraphale said, “Though, really, I am rather terrified of brain surgery.” 

“I’ll be at your side every step of the way, anything I can do just ask my love. You are a fighter.”

Aziraphale sighed.

“What is it?” 

“Oh…” 

“You can tell me Aziraphale. Am I being too overbearing? I’m sorry.” 

“No. I appreciate your support, love it’s just...if the treatment makes me worse, or if something happens during surgery. Choices might have to be made.” 

“Oh,” Crowley said, taking Aziraphale by the hand and leading him to the couch where they sat side by side and hand in hand, “Aziraphale, I don’t want to lose you in surgery but if something goes wrong I won’t let you linger and suffer. I love you.” 

“What if...what if I change. What if I can’t function right,” Aziraphale said. 

“I will be by your side no matter what happens. I know you would do the same for me,” Crowley said. 

“My sweet love.” 

Crowley blushed. 

Aziraphale chuckled, “I can still make you blush.” Crowley snuggled closer to him so Aziraphale couldn’t see him blush even more. 

“Love you angel, and I’m here for you always,” Crowley said. 

“I love you Crowley. Thank you,” Aziraphale said. 

Crowley tried to keep his fears to himself; he didn’t want to scare Aziraphale. Brain surgery was complicated and could go wrong in a million different ways. Aziraphale could come out of it just fine or he could be all but gone. Crowley knew Aziraphale was scared as well so he tried to tamp down his own fears so he could support Aziraphale. 

The night before the surgery they both cried wrapped in each other's arms for most of the night. 

Crowley kissed Aziraphale before they wheeled him into surgery, “I love you Aziraphale. I always will. I will be here for you however I can.” 

“I love you Crowley. My sweet love. I trust you.” 

Crowley alternated between pacing and sitting still in the waiting room, unable to concentrate on anything. He knew the surgery was going to be long, if it went well, but he hoped that when news finally came it would be good. 

He paced and sat and tried to distract himself as time went on.

“Mr. Crowley?”

Crowley jumped up and felt a little dizzy.

“Aziraphale is out of surgery, it went very well, we’re working on waking him up. You can come see him when he’s up.” 

“Thank you,” Crowley said and sank down into the chair. A short time later he headed back and saw Aziraphale still looking a bit out of it but when Crowley walked in Aziraphale smiled. 

“It’s so good to see you awake love,” Crowley said, giving him a kiss.

“Hmm. Crowley. I’m okay I think.” 

“You are, you’re just a bit drugged still,” Crowley said. Aziraphale nodded. He drifted in and out but he looked really good and Crowley was hopeful. 

A month post surgery and Aziraphale was back to normal, mostly. He was still having some memory issues and they had done a few things to help with that, but all in all things were good. 

Crowley knew, eventually, that something was going to take one of them down and he dreaded the day. He knew there was nothing he could do about it though. It was just how things were. All he could do was live and love Aziraphale for as long as he could.


	25. Car Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is late getting home. Aziraphale gets a call. There's been an accident. Will this be the end of Crowley?

Five years post brain operation and Aziraphale’s tumor had not come back. 

Aziraphale still had problems with his memory but he’d found ways to manage the memory issues and that was all. Well there were no other major issues. His sight seemed to get a little worse every year, it took him a while to get out of bed in the morning, and fatty foods made him sick. All in all though he was still able to fully enjoy life and Crowley was much the same. 

Aziraphale set down his book and stretched, it was getting late in the day and Crowley should have been back though Aziraphale couldn’t remember him getting home, “Crowley?”

No answer. 

“Crowley?”

Crowley should have been back by now. He’d gone out grocery shopping and to pay a couple of bills. He should have been back. Aziraphale’s hands were shaking as he found his mobile phone. 

No messages or missed calls. He tried to call Crowley and got no answer.

Aziraphale was starting to panic. Where could Crowley be? How was he going to find Crowley? Aziraphale took a deep breath and went to the white board. That was step one, useful information was always on the board. Crowley had come up with the idea years ago and it helped.

There Crowley had left a list of where he was going in what order. Aziraphale picked up his phone and dialed their favorite bakery. 

“Ah, hello Mr. Fell did you need to place an order?”

“No, thank you, Crowley was supposed to be in, has he been there yet?”

“Haven’t seen him.”

“Oh dear. I’m sorry it’s just that he’s late. I’m probably being silly. Traffic and all probably,” Aziraphale said. 

“Don’t worry about it Mr. Fell, when he pops in I’ll have him give you a ring.” 

“That would be lovely dear thank you.” 

Aziraphale started pacing slightly and praying that it was only traffic holding Crowley up and that he’d be at the bakery soon and then home nice and safe. He was probably driving and couldn’t answer the phone. That made sense. He’d hear from Crowley soon.

The phone rang. 

It wasn’t Crowley. 

It was the police. There had been an accident. Aziraphale felt like he might faint and had to sit down on the couch to stop his head from spinning. He didn’t know how he managed to call a cab. 

On their way to the hospital they were held up by traffic avoiding the scene of an accident. Aziraphale saw the lorry first and then…

“Oh God,” his heart leapt in his throat. 

A Bentley. THE Bentley. They moved excruciatingly slowly past the accident site giving Aziraphale plenty of time to figure out what had happened. The driver’s side of the Bentley was crushed, it had taken the impact from the lorry and by the looks of it had been flipped upside down before coming to rest sideways in the opposite ditch. 

“Oh God please,” Aziraphale started to shake. That was...the sort of sudden, violent crash that could have discorporated them at full power. But they were human now. Crowley was, by human years, seventy seven years old. That was an accident one didn’t walk away from without injury. It...was a potentially fatal accident. 

Aziraphale prayed for the rest of the way to the hospital. 

He was still shaking and stammered a bit as he told the receptionist why he was there, and then he sat with his head in his shaking hands and waited. 

“Mr. Fell?” 

He followed the doctor back with his heart in his throat. 

“Your husband is still in surgery…” 

Aziraphale exhaled. Crowley was still alive. Still fighting. 

“...he was still breathing on his own when we brought him in,” the doctor said, “But his injuries are...extensive.” 

“How bad?” Aziraphale asked sitting down in the smaller waiting room as the Doctor sat beside him holding the chart in her hands. 

“Broken ribs, collapsed lung, internal bleeding. His right arm is broken, right hip broken. He has a concussion, we’re not sure how bad yet. On the plus side there is no apparent spinal injury.” 

Aziraphale nodded, throat too tight to speak. 

“We’re going to do what we can…” 

“But my husband might die,” Aziraphale finished.

“Yes,” the doctor took his hand, “We’ll keep you posted and we’ll know more once he’s out of surgery.” 

“Thank you doctor.” 

Aziraphale was left in the little waiting room. He couldn’t concentrate on anything other than praying for Crowley. 

“Crowley love I know you can’t hear me but I am here. I know you are fighting. I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

Aziraphale hoped and he prayed and he waited. 

And waited. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before someone came to him. The nurse smiled when he entered which Aziraphale took as a good sign. 

“Mr. Crowley is out of surgery, we’re keeping an eye on him and once he’s a little more stable we’ll come get you to see him.” 

“Oh thank you,” Aziraphale said. 

As he waited Aziraphale thought back to how many times he had been at Crowley’s side in the hospital. The poor dear seemed very prone to injury. Aziraphale wondered if it was all an accident or if...well if it were demons and angels interfering he wouldn’t have even made it to the hospital after the accident. 

Aziraphale felt a wave of relief as the nurse came to get him to see Crowley. He was going to get to see him, Crowley was alive. That relief was tempered down quite a bit when he actually saw Crowley; he did not look good. 

The whole right side of his body seemed to be wrapped in bandages and he was hooked up to more machines than seemed possible. 

Never before had Aziraphale doubted that Crowley would recover, but looking at him laying on the gurney Aziraphale doubted. 

Aziraphale took Crowley’s hand, “Crowley. I’m here, love. I’m here.” He rubbed Crowley’s hand. He was certain Crowley was too deeply sedated to be aware of much but he hoped his presence was helpful, that on some level Crowley knew he was there. 

At the very least it would help Aziraphale, if Crowley didn’t make it, to have been able to see him alive at least one more time. 

“Crowley I love you very much, I will always love you. My sweet love.” 

It didn’t escape Aziraphale’s notice that the nurses were in the room quite frequently checking numbers and adjusting medications. It was quite clear that Crowley was still in danger of slipping away. Aziraphale hesitated to do what he knew he had to, but then it came time for him to leave he leaned in and kissed Crowley and whispered to him.

“I love you Crowley. I love you so much, and I know how much you love me. I know you want to stay and that you are fighting to do so, but if it’s too much...Crowley if it’s too much you can go.” 

Aziraphale was in a daze when he got home. His mobile was always in his pocket and he feared that it would ring and a voice on the other end would tell him Crowley was gone. He was going to sleep at home for one night and then stay in a hotel near the hospital for...however long he needed to. 

He wanted to be close by, he needed to be close by. If there was a chance that they could call him in quick enough to hold Crowley’s hand as he passed he needed to be close. Aziraphale didn’t want to give up on Crowley but...oh but he was so badly hurt. Aziraphale felt he had to be realistic about the whole thing. 

Aziraphale got to the hospital as early as he could manage to get there. 

“Good morning Crowley darling,” Aziraphale said, trying to sound bright and cheerful. Crowley didn’t look any better, but at least he didn’t look any worse. The doctor came in not long after Aziraphale arrived. 

“Anything new?”

“About the same. We’re going to do a brain scan in a little while and that will give us some good information.” 

“Could he...is it likely there is damage?” 

“Yes, but we won’t know until the scan. He’s been stable since leaving surgery and his liver and kidney function is good. Heart is strong. Again we’ll wait till the scan.” 

Aziraphale went for some food when Crowley went for his scan, but he couldn’t eat much. Crowley’s body had been fixed as well as they could and stabilized but what was going on with his brain? Was Crowley still in there? Would there be lasting damage? He tried not to dwell on it but was failing miserably. He knew very well that Crowley had thought similar things when Aziraphale had gone in for brain surgery.

On his way back to Crowley’s room the doctor and a nurse pulled him aside and toward a conference room. Not good, oh God, this wasn’t good. He was going to have to take Crowley off the machines keeping him alive wasn’t he? 

“Afternoon Mr. Fell.” 

“Afternoon,” he managed to say. 

“The brain scans came back and it looks far better than I had hoped. We have him under sedation but he’s showing almost regular brain activity. Honestly I expected to see signs of major brain damage. The scans look good, and he has been stable since surgery. This...I’m honestly amazed. I’m not religious myself but it almost looks like your husband has a guardian angel.” 

Aziraphale gave a little chuckle, “He can be quite determined.” 

“That being said we do have to discuss what you would like done if his condition does take a turn for the worse. Things are looking good right now, but just in case we need to know.” 

“Of course. I...I know he doesn’t want to linger. I don’t want him to suffer. If...if he should stop breathing or if his heart gives out,” Aziraphale took a shaky breath, “I think it best if we let him go.” 

“No resuscitation then?” 

“No. Just...comfort measures, try to...make him comfortable.” 

“Would you like to be in the room with him should that occur?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are there any religious needs we should be aware of?” 

“No, he’s not...his relationship with religion is a bit complicated,” Aziraphale settled on. 

“Alright. I think that’s what we need at the moment. We just need to let him heal. Do you have any questions for us Mr. Fell?”

“Do you have any idea when he might wake up? And how long he’ll be on the ventilator?” 

The doctor smiled, “We’re going to start working on weaning him off the vent, with that comes backing off of sedation. It’s a slow, tricky process. We want him to be able to breathe on his own but we don’t want him in pain. It is rather hard to say.” 

“Understood,” Aziraphale said. 

Aziraphale knew with Crowley’s injuries it was going to be a long recovery process and he was going to be by his side every step of the way.

“I’m here Crowley,” Aziraphale said, taking his hand as he sat by his side, “I’m here love.” 

Aziraphale didn’t dream often and had only had a few nightmares in his entire time of being human, but with Crowley hurt he began to have them often. Dreams of Crowley screaming in pain before dying, dreams Crowley not remembering him, dreams of getting there moments too late to say goodbye. 

But while his dreams were troubled reality was slowly creeping back to normal. Crowley was healing, he was stable. A week after the accident Aziraphale walked in to see Crowley off the ventilator and breathing on his own. 

Aziraphale came every day and brought books to read to Crowley, as Crowley had done for him years ago after the shop fire. 

Slowly, slowly Crowley got better. Aziraphale hoped to be there when Crowley woke up and the doctor’s were saying it could be soon, but it was tricky to know exactly when. Every person was different. 

So Aziraphale was there as much as he could be and read and sang to Crowley and held his hand and waited. 

Then one afternoon, just after he’d come back from lunch, Crowley started to stir. He’d done so for several days now and Aziraphale waited to see if Crowley would truly wake. 

“You can wake up if you want to love, or sleep if you need it. I’m here,” Aziraphale said. Crowley slipped back to sleep and Aziraphale settled down to read to him. 

Soon Crowley would be awake. 

Soon.


	26. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley continues to recover from the accident and wants just one thing; to be home with Aziraphale

Crowley didn’t know what hit him. He’d been driving along the road at a very reasonable speed and then suddenly the world was spinning. When the world stopped moving he was pressed against the door, the Bentley was on it’s side. 

And everything hurt. 

His mind was going in and out as his body was throbbing in agony. 

“Aziraphale,” he thought, “Oh angel I don’t know if I’m going to make it home.” 

His mind went out and then he was being moved and white hot agony filled his entire being. He wanted to scream but couldn’t. 

Crowley tried to concentrate on breathing. It wasn’t easy. He was hurt, badly hurt. He kept going in and out and didn’t know how much time was passing. And he hurt, oh he hurt. In the back of his mind in a part not addled with pain he knew he was in trouble and there was a very real chance that he wasn’t going to make it.

Crowley tried to think of Aziraphale, of his love. His mind focused enough for him to realize he had made it to the hospital alive. That was good. Then Crowley’s mind went dark.

For the longest time Crowley was only vaguely aware that he was alive. There would be a noise that made it through the fog, or a smell, something to indicate that he was still living. As the fog started to lift he knew Aziraphale was there with him. 

He was still having a hard time with, well, time but Aziraphale was there often. Crowley couldn’t fully wake up but he had a feeling that he didn’t want to yet.

But waking and pain were inevitable and when he woke the pain hit him. 

“Aww mmm, ngk.” 

“Crowley? Are you awake, love?”

“Mmm.” 

“I’ll get a nurse, I know you’re hurting.” 

A bit of the fog came back but Crowley was able to stay awake. Aziraphale was crying and holding his hand.

“Angel…” 

“Oh love it’s so good to see you awake.” 

“You...okay?”

“Yes, I was so worried, but I’m alright, love.”

Crowley tried to concentrate on Aziraphale but he could feel dull pain radiating from the right side of his body. That made perfect sense of course he had been hit and landed on the right side of his body when…

“Bentley…” 

Aziraphale’s face fell, “I’m sorry love. Total loss I’m afraid.” 

Crowley groaned. He thought as much. 

“I’m so glad to see you awake,” Aziraphale said again, “I...oh Crowley I was so scared I was going to lose you.” 

“I’ll live?”

“Yes, barring complications, but the doctor’s are quite pleased with your progress. Do you want to know the extent of the injuries, well I’m sure you can feel it.” 

“Tell me.” 

Crowley was amazed that he had lived as Aziraphale listed off the injuries he had received and how long he was in surgery. Aziraphale told him that the doctors had expected a bad brain scan. His brain felt fine, well it felt foggy, but he figured it was pain meds. 

Aziraphale chuckled, “The doctor said you must have a guardian angel.” 

Crowley smiled, “I do. You.” Aziraphale blushed. 

The Doctor came in next and went over some more of the details. Crowley learned he had been there nearly a month already which was quite shocking. He was going to need extensive physical therapy to be able to walk again and use his right arm to the full extent.

Next came questions and a few cognitive tests which the Doctor looked pleased about.

“Well done Mr. Crowley, you’re well on your way to recovery,” the Doctor said. 

“Good,” Crowley said, “Thank you.” 

Crowley couldn’t stay awake for long and knew he needed to rest to heal. And he wanted that to happen as quickly as possible. He wanted to be home with Aziraphale. His Angel. Crowley was lucky. He would get more time with his angel.

Crowley drifted in and out for the next few days but he could remember what was going on and how much time was passing and he felt a little more with it every day. 

Then he had his first physical therapy session and it had ended with Crowley crying in pain and discouraged. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy but it hurt so much more than he thought it would. 

He could handle the arm exercises and had gotten used to the twinge in his ribs but his hip was killing him. Crowley felt very weak as well and tired easily. He wondered how much mobility and strength he would get back. He wondered if this was the beginning of a decline he wouldn’t get out of. 

Aziraphale was there for him to comfort and distract and Crowley was so very glad for his help. Crowley wanted to go home, but they wanted him to get a little more mobility before they would let him. 

So Crowley tried as hard as he could.

The first thing he was able to do was get from his bed to a wheelchair. It left him shaky and in pain but it was so nice to be able to go to the bathroom by himself.

Walking was another story. It hurt and it felt wrong.

“You’re doing just fine Crowley,” Ada, his favorite physical therapist, said. 

“Doesn’t feel fine,” he said and struggled to take another step. His hip was aching and he didn’t dare let go of the supports but he managed a few steps.

A week later he was able to take a few steps without support and several more with the walker. It still hurt and he still felt so tired but he was proud. Aziraphale was too. 

“I think they’ll let you come home now. I am so happy my love,” Aziraphale said.

“I meet with the doctor in the morning,” Crowley said, “I hope to be home by this time tomorrow.” 

The next morning the Doctor asked to see Crowley’s progress. He pulled his walker up to the edge of the wheelchair and got ready to stand. He had to push mostly with his left leg and arm but not too much or he would fall over. He tried to ignore the fact that there was a nurse on either side of him and a doctor and Aziraphale watching. He felt a bit like some sort of circus monkey. But he knew they were there to make sure he didn’t get hurt. 

He hissed out a breath of pain as he gingerly put weight on his right hip. Walking was a very interesting process now as his left knee and right hip both hurt while walking. He was beginning to think he’d need the walker for the rest of his human life, or at the very least a cane. 

Crowley took a few steps forward managing to keep his balance. He circled once around the room moving slowly and deliberately before making his way back to the chair and easing himself in. He felt winded and tired but it was more than he had done in quite some time. 

“Well done Crowley,” the doctor said. 

Aziraphale gave a happy little wiggle and a clap. Crowley smiled and waited. 

“It looks like you are ready to go home, if you feel up to it.” 

“I do, oh I very much do,” Crowley said. 

“Good. We’ve got physical therapy and a nurse scheduled out to your house to keep up with treatment.” 

“What do you want to do first,” Aziraphale asked as they got him ready to go home. 

“Sleep in a real bed. With you,” Crowley said, “Cuddle. See what a mess the garden is.” 

“About that, some of our neighbors have been helping keep it alive for us,” Aziraphale said. 

“Oh. That’s quite nice,” Crowley said. 

“They’ve been ever so helpful,” Aziraphale said. 

“Good. I’m glad you didn’t have to do everything. I really appreciate all the things you’ve done to keep up on things and take care of me. I am in awe of you angel.” 

“Oh you,” Aziraphale blushed, “That is to say that is rather lovely Crowley. You took such good care of me after the shop burned, I want to be able to do the same. And I was able thankfully.” 

Once home Crowley eased himself onto the couch. It was so good to be home. He wanted to go see the garden and he could use a bath and a nap but right now he was just enjoying being home. 

Aziraphale disappeared for a while coming back with a box, “This is what I managed to pull out of the Bentley. Mostly CD’s.” 

“Thank you angel,” Crowley said then saw he was holding something else. 

“Well I...I took photos. I couldn’t keep the remains but, if you need closure,” Aziraphale said, “It might be a little silly but if you want to see.” 

Crowley held out his hand, “Angel, thank you.” He looked at the photo’s of his car and felt a cold shiver down his spine. He shouldn’t be sitting on the couch, he should be dead. There was no way he should have been breathing when he got to the hospital and even then he should have died. He was very, very thankful that he had not but looking at the photo’s of the poor Bentley was sobering. 

“I...wow.” 

“I saw the wreck on the way to the hospital that afternoon,” Aziraphale said, sitting and holding Crowley’s hand. 

“No! You didn’t…” Crowley’s stomach sank. 

“I did. I saw the Bentley lying on its side. I was thinking that...even if we were back to normal an accident like that would have discorporated us. I expected to reach the hospital and find that you were already gone.” 

“Oh angel come here,” Crowley said, wrapping his arms around his angel. 

“Then I worried you were brain dead and I would have to take you off life support. I...I made the call to refuse resuscitation if you needed it. Told them to help you pass comfortably and that I wanted to be there with you if possible.” 

“I’m so sorry I scared you like that. My brave angel,” Crowley kissed Aziraphale, “I trust you. Remember? I always will.” 

“I hope we get a reprieve, just for a bit,” Aziraphale said. 

“I do too, my sweet brave angel. Love of my life. I enjoy every day I have with you, even the hard ones,” Crowley said. 

“I love you too Crowley. Every moment with you,” Aziraphale said kissing him. 

Crowley smiled. It was so good to be home. That night he settled into bed with Aziraphale beside him, they lay face to face as close as they could get to each other. 

“I missed this, oh Angel, this is perfect,” Crowley said. 

“I am so glad you are here. I was so worried this would never happen,” Aziraphale said, “I love you so much Crowley.” 

“I love you too Aziraphale. This is what I was fighting for.”

Aziraphale pulled Crowley close to his chest. Crowley relaxed against Aziraphale. He was so grateful to be there.


	27. Allergies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is getting headaches again and blames them on allergies, but deep down he knows something is wrong. Crowley helps him navigate the anxiety he has.

Aziraphale stared out at the pouring rain and sipped his tea. The day before had been a nice sunny day but it looked like it was going to be raining all day. He didn’t mind it but he knew Crowley would lament not being out in the garden and might have more problems with his bad hip.

As if to accentuate the point Crowley let out a groan from the bedroom and then the sound of the walker scraping on the floor started. 

Poor dear. Aziraphale poured a second cup of tea for Crowley and set it at the table. It had been eight years since the accident and on a good day Crowley could get around quite well with his cane, but today didn’t sound like it was a good day. 

“Teas on the table dear, can I get you anything else?” Aziraphale asked as Crowley shuffled slowly toward the table. 

“Toast maybe? Just took a pain pill need something to eat. Stomach’s a bit rough,” Crowley said, finally making it to the chair and gingerly sitting down. 

Aziraphale made the toast and set it before Crowley who still looked like he was in a haze of half awake pain, “I’m sorry you’re hurting love.” 

Crowley looked up at him and smiled, “Thank you love.” Crowley spent most of the day on the couch trying to find a position to sit in that didn’t hurt.

“We’re getting old, too old,” Crowley grumbled. 

“I suppose we are,” Aziraphale said, “If being eighty five is considered officially old.” 

“I think we’ve been officially old for a while now angel,” Crowley said with a small smile.

The next day was sunny again and Crowley was using his cane while he gardened and was in less pain and in a better mood. 

Aziraphale read as Crowley puttered around the garden. Currently Crowley was waving around his cane threatening the ivy with trimming if it got into the rose bush by the kitchen window. Aziraphale shook his head; some things never changed. 

As the day wore on Aziraphale tried to ignore the headache that was building behind his eyes. He felt like he might be getting ill, but after the rain and all the plants blooming he passed it off as just allergies. 

The headache went away that evening once he was inside for the day and it seemed to point exactly where he thought it did. 

His head felt fine the next morning as he made breakfast for himself and Crowley. Crowley came out of the bedroom with just the cane and moving fairly well. Then Crowley stopped and frowned. 

“Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale followed Crowley’s gaze to the table, “Oh. I…” There were four cups of tea on the table two in his spot and two in Crowley’s. He looked to the toast he was making and realized he had doubled up on that as well. 

“Hey angel it’s okay,” Crowley was by his side, “just sit down yeah?” 

Aziraphale sat down and Crowley finished up the toast before scooting his chair next to Aziraphale. They both ate but Aziraphale was starting to feel a little sick. 

“What’s going on angel? Just spacing out? That’s okay but is there anything else?” Crowley asked. 

“I think...I just think I was spacing out.” 

“That can happen. Just let me know if it’s anything else.” 

Aziraphale felt a little worried about the whole thing and wanted to be by Crowley and followed him outside into the garden. His head started to hurt again. He stopped reading wondering if he needed new glasses. But he knew that it was not his eyes. 

He wanted to blame it on allergies. It had to be just allergies, the headaches always came when he was outside. But then the next day dawned rainy and by the middle of the day Aziraphale’s head was pounding. 

He shut himself in the bathroom and cried. Something was wrong and he didn’t want to admit it, he didn’t want to scare or burden Crowley. They were old, he was old. He was a few months away from being eighty six. His human life was coming to an end, but he was terrified of it dwindling away slowly. He was also very, very afraid that the powers of Heaven and Hell wouldn’t stick to the deal they had made and when he died that would be it.

When Aziraphale finally emerged Crowley was sitting on the bed twisting his cane in his hands, “Hey angel. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I...I think I’m having issues again,” Aziraphale said sitting next to Crowley and taking his hand, “I’m scared Crowley.” 

“What can I do for you love? Do you want me to make appointments? Take you to the hospital?” 

Aziraphale sighed and thought about it. Crowley squeezed his hand and sat while Aziraphale worked through what he was going to do. 

“I suppose I should go in and see what’s going on,” Aziraphale said at last, “Can you call, I’m a little out of sorts.” 

“Of course. I’ll get that done, and then we can cuddle a bit and talk if you want? Or just the cuddling.” Again Crowley waited for Aziraphale to think through the whole thing and underneath all the worry and choices he was so very away of how well Crowley knew him and cared for him. 

“I think I need a little distraction. Maybe we could go out to eat after you make an appointment if you’re up to it.” 

“I can do that,” Crowley said with a smile giving him a kiss. 

Crowley took him to their favorite cafe and they had a wonderful lunch. They stopped by the bakery for treats and walked around the area. Crowley pointed out some of the flowers he’d like to start growing and talked about growing a few more vegetables. 

Aziraphale felt better. Mentally. There was still a little bit of a headache but it wasn’t something that felt immediately dangerous. 

“Did you have a good day angel?” Crowley said snuggling close to him in bed later that night. 

“I did, thank you darling.” 

Aziraphale felt the worry creep back into his mind though as they lay in bed together. He couldn’t help it. He was worried about what would happen next. What choices he would have to make. Above all else he didn’t want to hurt Crowley. 

“I can hear you worrying, love,” Crowley said. 

Aziraphale gave a snort, “Sorry.” 

“I’m here to talk if you want.” 

Aziraphale sighed turning to face Crowley, “I’m scared. I...we are getting near the end. I know that. I don’t know how long we have. That in itself is scary. But I...I don’t want to get worse. Mentally. I don’t want to lose memories. I’ve seen...some humans forget people. I’m afraid that I’ll forget who you are and what you mean to me. I’m afraid of this being slow.” 

Crowley took both of Aziraphale’s hands between them, “It’s alright to be scared, angel. I wish I could take this from you. I will take care of you no matter what. I know, whatever happens that you are not doing this on purpose. That if you forget it’s not because your love for me has changed but because your brain is...shutting down.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Aziraphale said. 

“The one who goes first will hurt the one who remains,” Crowley said, “But it’s not something we can control. It’s being human and in love. It’s worth it. If I had died in the accident you would have been heartbroken and in pain. But that doesn’t change the many years we have had each other and been in love. It won’t change if you go first, if you slowly slip away, god I don’t want you to but if it happens it doesn’t change our love.” 

Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hands then removed one to run it through Crowley’s short grey hair. He was still so beautiful even as wrinkled and old as he was, so beautiful. 

“My beautiful sweet love,” Aziraphale said. They stared at each other in silence for a while before Crowley closed the distance between them and kissed him. 

“Crowley?”

“Hmm.” 

“I...I’m worried that if I forget too much They won’t hold their end of the bargain. I’m afraid they might not anyway,” Aziraphale said. 

“I have thought about that as well,” Crowley admitted, “I don’t know. If they decide to go back on the deal for some stupid technicality or out of spite...there isn’t really anything we can do about it.” 

“Would you regret it?” Aziraphale asked. 

“Never,” Crowley said, “If it truly is the end I have no regrets about loving you and sacrificing for you. I love you so much Aziraphale. You are worth it.” 

“I love you too Crowley, more than I can say with words. I don’t regret a single moment. I just fret,” he said. 

“I know this about you, love, it doesn’t bother me,” Crowley said. 

“I feel better though, getting this off my chest. Thank you for listening and making me feel better,” Aziraphale said. 

“I do what I can and I’m glad it worked. I love you Aziraphale,” Crowley said. 

“I love you Crowley. Will you hold me until I fall asleep?” 

“Of course,” Crowley said. Azirphale turned in bed and Crowley pressed himself against Aziraphale’s back and wrapped his arm around him. Aziraphale felt safe and sighed contentedly. Behind him Crowley started to sing softly and Aziraphale had to smile and giggle. 

“You’re my best friend…”

His sweet Crowley. His love. Aziraphale relaxed as Crowley sang and fell asleep to the sound of love.


	28. You have to let me go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, get you tissues ready! Thank you to everyone who has read and left kudos and comments. Enjoy!

Crowley sang until he was sure that Aziraphale was truly asleep. He hummed for a little while after just in case. Aziraphale’s breathing was slow and steady and Crowley hoped his angel had pleasant dreams. 

Crowley started thinking of something fun to do after Aziraphale’s appointment, to celebrate if it was good news, or to distract if it was bad. Lunch somewhere nice, maybe go to a museum or somewhere they hadn’t been in a while. He would try to give Aziraphale joy as long as he could. 

Crowley’s alarm went off and he groaned and reached for the phone. He gave an experimental stretch and found his hip wasn’t too bad. His shoulder was a bit sore but not too bad. He turned over on his back and found that Aziraphale was still in bed. After a night like last night he wasn’t surprised. 

“Morning angel let’s…” Crowley put his hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder and froze. He pulled his hand back covering his mouth to stifle a cry as he sat up. He didn’t know how long he sat there with his hand over his mouth staring at the too still body of his angel. 

“Angel…” his voice came out no more than a choked whisper. Crowley was shaking as he got out of bed and flipped on the light. Aziraphale still hadn’t moved and Crowley’s mind was beginning to realize why. He shuffled his way around the bed to Aziraphale’s side, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before opening them. 

Crowley fell to his knees. 

“Oh angel.” 

Aziraphale was gone. His face was lax and beyond pale. He wasn’t breathing and Crowley managed to somehow lift his hand to check for a pulse he didn’t expect to find. 

Nothing. 

“Oh my sweet angel,” Crowley slowly stroked Azriaphale’s cheek. Part of Crowley’s brain registered that it didn’t appear that there had been any pain, or discomfort, or fear, whatever had taken Aziraphale had done so swiftly as he slept. 

Crowley’s heart was breaking. He needed a moment. He knew there were things to be done but there was no hurry. He crawled back into bed and wrapped his arms around Aziraphale’s body and sobbed. 

When the immediate pain had dulled he pulled open Aziraphale’s bedside drawer where he knew the angel kept his final wishes. They had each done so, a few years back, in the event one was not there to say goodbye to the other.

“My dearest Crowley, love of my life, my sweet love,” Crowley read, “You know my desires and what I like and I trust you with every decision you might have to make. I love you. Know that, remember that. I love you. I pray that you have the courage to let me go. You have to let me go, at least for a little while. Find joy where you can, remember our life together, and I will be reunited with you no matter what. Aziraphale.” 

Below that Aziraphale listed his wish to be cremated and the desire for Crowley to spread his ashes in his garden. A small memorial at their house. The angel had written his own obituary and left numbers of papers, and funeral homes and the like. 

Crowley began sobbing again. Sweet angel. He clutched the letter to his chest near his breaking heart and let the emotions wash over him. 

He was still in quite a daze as he started making calls. Crowley kissed Aziraphale one last time before the body was taken away. 

Crowley didn’t know what to do or what he was supposed to do or expected to do so he just tried to function. Aziraphale would want him to take care of himself. He wondered where Aziraphale’s essence was or if he was aware. Either way, his love would want him to live. So Crowley managed to feed himself and clean and bathe and keep himself from falling apart completely. 

Nights were the worst. He was alone in a bed he was used to sharing. He dreamed of Aziraphale often and there were mornings when he would wake and not remember for a few minutes before reality crashed around him. 

Aziraphale was gone.

Crowley cried often. He didn’t know how he was going to survive Aziraphale’s memorial but it had to be done. News of Aziraphale’s death traveled fast and Crowley was overwhelmed with offers of help. The people he and Aziraphale knew were overflowing with kindness offering food and flowers and all the help Crowley needed. 

The day of the memorial was a lovely sunny day perfect for a memorial in the garden. There were flowers everywhere, the one’s Crowley grew and from two different florists the local one and the one Crowley had worked for. Cherry and her wife had come from London and Cherry spent most of the time sitting with Crowley. 

Crowley had set up a table with the urn and pictures and a guest book. Aziraphale would like that and Crowley was starting to think of making a more permanent memorial for the angel in the garden. 

Everyone expressed their condolences and offered help and made sure Crowley knew that he was part of the community and to not fear to reach out when he needed help. It was overwhelming. 

Crowley’s eyes fell on three people who entered the garden. A woman and two young adults that Crowley recognized but was fighting to remember who they were. As they approached it hit him. 

“Hello Mr. Crowley, we’re so sorry for your loss. I’m not sure you remember me…” 

“Not your name I’m afraid, but I remember helping you.” 

“Yes, you and your husband rescued us from our wrecked car. We always remember our angels.” 

Crowley teared up, “Thank you for coming. Aziraphale would be honored. I am too. I’m...I’m glad we were there that day. It’s so good to see you and thank you.” 

He hoped Aziraphale could see what was going on. He knew the angel had struggled with feeling like he didn’t or couldn’t do enough good as a human. But he had. They had made quite a difference in Mel’s life and her family. 

It was really rather lovely to see how many lives they had touched and how many paid their respects and offered him help and support. He didn’t have to lift a finger to clean up when it was all over and he had enough food to last a couple of weeks. 

Crowley took the registry book and placed it on the kitchen table. He looked at it and pondered. There were plenty of empty pages at the back and he decided that he was going to use them to write notes of things to tell Aziraphale when they were reunited. 

The first winter without Aziraphale was the worst. It was cold and miserable and he was alone. But not completely alone. If too many days passed without him going to town someone would come over to check on him, always with some food they claimed they made too much of, or some sweet treat or with questions about spring garden plans. He went to London, to Cherry’s, for Christmas and had an open invitation to visit anytime. 

Spring brought a reprieve from the depression. Crowley always functioned better with something to do and he decided to put his heart and soul into the garden. He sprinkled Aziraphale’s ashes where he planted new plants. 

“There we are, angel, in the garden where you belong. It’s a beautiful day love,” Crowley said, patting the dirt around a new plant. He set about working on the memorial for Aziraphale. It was a pedestal with some of Aziraphale ashes in an urn surrounded by wrought iron with a picture of Aziraphale with it. Crowley planted tulip bulbs around the base and had vines he hoped would climb and flower all around the angel. 

Crowley felt connected to Aziraphale in the garden more than anywhere else and spent as much time as he could out there. He hoped that Aziraphale was with him in some sense. 

Crowley lived and he tried to live well. Time passed and Crowley went on. 

Crowley turned eighty eight and found his doorstep covered in flowers and gifts from the locals. It warmed his heart to see it. It was a nice sunny day after a rainy spring and he had a lot to do in the garden. 

“It’s a mess back here angel, I know, we’ll get it right again,” Crowley said placing his hand on the memorial and pausing there a bit. Crowley worked as hard as he could, his old bones were stiff and he moved slower, and he got winded easier the older he got. But he did good work. 

Crowley woke and for the third day in a row the sun was shining. Crowley smiled. Another day in the garden. 

“Aww, oh shit I’m old,” Crowley complained as he tried to get up and out of bed. Perhaps he had overdone it a bit. He was sore all over. His hip was throbbing and his shoulder ached and he could feel the pain all across his chest. 

He managed to get himself up and fed and out to the garden. His hip felt a bit better but his chest was still hurting. He had plenty to do that didn’t involve heavy lifting. He set up the radio just outside the back door and went about his work. 

“Ivy is taking over again angel,” he complained, “Looks like plenty of roses this year though.” He looked at the roses and looked in the bush. 

“Ah, that honeysuckle is trying to come in again, persistent bastard. Should we let it grow angel?” 

The roses did need a little trimming so he went for the toolshed to get the clippers.

“A...ngk…” 

Pain shot through Crowley’s chest and down his left arm, Crowley sank to his knees with the suddenness of it. He found it hard to breathe and it felt like something was sitting on his chest. 

“Oh shit,” Crowley whispered, coming to the correct conclusion that he was having a heart attack. He swallowed hard and tried to take deep breaths. He needed help and his phone was in the house. He didn’t know if he could get up and make it to the house, he didn’t even know if he could crawl. Crowley knew he shouldn’t be putting any strain on his heart.

Crowley rested for a moment then started to slowly crawl toward the house. The world started to spin around him and he collapsed all the way into the grass. 

He wasn’t going to make it to the house. 

Crowley’s vision was blurry but he could see Aziraphale’s memorial from where he was sprawled on the grass. He tried to concentrate on the memorial and the music playing. Crowley knew he was dying, he just didn’t know how long his heart would struggle before it stopped. 

The song changed and Crowley recognized in an instant what was playing. Aziraphale was there with him.

“Angel…” Crowley whispered and smiled through the pain. Crowley was still smiling; looking at the memorial and thinking of his beloved angel when the world went dark around him.

“You’re the best friend that I ever had, I’ve been with you such a long time…” 

Crowley could hear music, knew the song, it had been playing when he...where was he? He listened to the song and recognized that it was being sung by a single voice and to the tune of an old hymn…

Crowley sat up and looked toward the singer. 

“Angel...Aziraphale.” 

Aziraphale was sitting on the bed beside him and he was...young again, like he had been as an angel. Crowley couldn’t move, could barely breathe. He didn’t want Aziraphale to go away. 

“Hello Crowley, my darling.” 

“This...is this real?” 

“Yes,” Aziraphale said, holding out his hand. Crowley took it and it was real. This was real. He almost knocked Aziraphale over wrapping his arms around him. Azirphale hugged him back and chuckled. 

“It’s me, this is real,” Aziraphale said, “I love you Crowley.” 

“I love you too,” Crowley said, starting to sob.

After holding Aziraphale for some time Crowley looked around and frowned. 

“We’re at the cottage. Do we...live here now? Are we?” Crowley lifted his hand and snapped a red rose appearing in his hand. 

“We’re back,” Aziraphale said, “I’ve been awake a few minutes before you woke. I think it’s shortly after you...died. All those years we were human have happened I believe. We start from here.” 

“And the bookshop, the Bentley?” 

“I think they are gone but we will find out,” Aziraphale said. Crowley nodded. It was so odd to be back in a younger body, to feel his true essence and the power within. None of that really mattered though.

Aziraphale mattered. 

“I missed you angel. I missed you so much. I wrote, I wrote down things that happened when you….where were you?” Crowley pulled back to look at Aziraphale.

“Asleep I think. It felt like I was underwater? Like submerged in a warm bath. I sometimes caught glimpses of you or felt you I think. I...don’t remember how I died.” 

Crowley took a deep breath, “What do you remember last?”

“We talked about me being afraid. You sang me to sleep.” 

“Was that night. You went in your sleep. Brain aneurysm. You were gone before I woke up.” 

“Oh…how long were you alone?” 

“Little over two years,” Crowley said. 

“Oh my dear,” Aziraphale said and hugged him again. 

“I did the best I could, loved you and missed you every day. I...I have to show you the garden,” Crowley said. Crowley was amazed at how easily he could move. His body was back to normal, pain gone from the accident and old age.

“It’s beautiful Crowley,” Aziraphale said. 

“This was what I spent most of my time doing. Spread your ashes around the garden. Always felt like you were here with me when I was working.” 

“The memorial is lovely darling.” 

“Felt better keeping busy, knew you would want me to try to find happiness while I waited.” 

“I hope you weren’t...suffering at the end.” 

“No,” Crowley said, crossing some of the yard, “Died right here. Heart attack. Couldn’t get to the phone.” 

“Oh no!” 

Crowley shook his head, “Was quick. I knew what was happening and I was looking at your memorial and thinking of you.” 

Aziraphale crossed the yard and pulled Crowley into a tight hug. 

“It’s alright, we’re alright now. We’re together,” Aziraphale said, “It’s so good to have you here my love.” 

“It’s good to have you back Aziraphale. I missed you so much,” Crowley said, “What do we do now?”

“Continue our lives here I suppose, for a start. I assume the people of this village either forget our older counterparts or know us young like this. As long as you want to.” 

“I do. Whatever you want angel, I want to be with you. Always.” 

For the first several mornings Crowley woke expecting to be old and alone only to find Azirpahale there beside him and remember that they were together again. He would smile every morning his heart filled with such joy he couldn’t even speak, and he could see the same feeling in Aziraphale’s eyes. 

They made their way to London after a few days to find that the bookshop was indeed still gone and Crowley’s flat hadn’t been restored. It stung a bit but standing there hand in hand helped. 

Crowley got Aziraphale up to date on what he had missed and they got back into comfortable habits they had formed. 

“I’m really quite surprised we haven’t heard anything from...Up or Down,” Azirpahale said. 

“Hmm. I know. I’m surprised they kept their end of the bargain at all,” Crowley said. 

“Indeed,” Aziraphale said. Crowley looked at Aziraphale. 

“I know you’re thinking something, angel.” 

“Well I...I have a very strange feeling that They had no intention to restore us and...I think someone stepped in on our behalf.” 

“Someone? Do you think the Almighty did this?”

“I think maybe yes,” Aziraphale said.

“Do you think...there’s a reason?”

“Hard to say,” Aziraphale said, “Ineffability you know.” 

Crowley sighed and shook his head, “Ineffability.” 

Aziraphale smiled, “I love you Crowley.” 

“And I love you,” Crowley said with a smile. 

There were a lot of things that Crowley didn’t know. He didn’t know who had restored them, he didn’t know what the future would bring, and he didn’t know what their parts in it would be. 

There was one thing he did know. It had all worked out because of love, and because of love everything would be alright.


End file.
